SO_E_U11_DVD.doc

  Elementary Unit 11 DVD Script

RC = Ronnie Corbett              RB = Ronnie Barker

RC:               Hello. Anybody there? Ah, good morning. I’m sorry, I meant … oh sorry! Sorry, sorry. I meant to, er, I’ve, I’ve, I meant to, er, I meant to, er, I, I …

RB:              Good morning, Miss Prendergast. You’re early.

RC:              Ah, good morning.

RB:              Oh, I oh I’m sorry. Good morning, sir.

RC:              Good morning. Erm … Could I have, erm … two pounds of potatoes,               please?

RB:              No, no, no, sir. This is, this is an optician’s, sir.

RC:              What?

RB:              Optician’s. Look, it says so over the door.

RC:              Oh, sorry. So it does, yes. Well, it doesn’t matter because I was coming in here anyway, ’cause I’ve got it down on my list: greengrocer’s and optician’s. You see?

RB:              Oh, I see, yes.

RC:              Yes. It was, it was the wife’s idea actually.

RB:              Oh yes. Do sit down, will you?

RC:              Thank you very much. Erm, you’re, er, you’re a … Sorry. I … That’s it.

RB:              Don’t worry. We’ve got plenty more. Try the one on the back. There.

RC:              A?

RB:              I said: Try the one on the back.

RC:              No, … A.

RB:              A? No, no, not A, no.

RC:              B?

RB:              No. Keep going.

RC:              C?

RB:              Keep going.

RC:              D?

RB:              No.

RC:              E? E!

RB:              Yes, very good, yes, E! Try the next line, will you?

RC:              Erm … no, sorry.

RB:              Don’t worry. I’ll give you a clue. Erm … Oh! What do you see with?

RC:              Your eye.

RB:              I. And, er, what do you do with your eye?

RC:              See.

RB:              C, very good indeed. Very good. Now then, now then, try the next line on your own.

RC:              Erm, I’m sorry … Is there, is there a next line? I can’t …

RB:              No, probably not, probably not. Now, then. What about that?

RC:              A.

RB:              A … and I didn’t help you with that at all, did I?

RC:              No, no. No, I got that … I.

RB:              Ah. No, that’s a hat stand there.

RC:              Oh, sorry. H?

RB:              H? No, you’re reading all the furniture!

RB:              There we are. Now tell me, is that, is that better or worse?             

RC:              That is … worse.

RB:              Oh. Ah, well, let’s see. Now what, what about, about that? How’s that?

RC:              That’s, um … that’s fractionally better. Actually, it is …

RB:              Now, what about if I, if I do this?

RC:              Oh, no. That’s worse. No, no.

RB:              Try this nice red pair on. There we are. Let me have those. Thank you. Try those. Have a look at those. There you are - look in the hand mirror. See what you think.

RC:              I think this makes me look a little old. What do you think?

RB:              Oh, yes, it does, doesn’t it? Oh. Wait a minute, this is not a mirror. This is a photograph of an old lady! They’re no good to you at all.

RC:              No, no. Have you any others at all?

RB:              Ah. Well, erm … There’s, ah, there’s these.

RC:              What about these? These are … Oh! Wonderful! I can see everything as clearly as …

RB:              No, no. They’re mine! They’re mine!

RC:              No, no, these are yours, there.

RB:              Are you sure?

RC:              Yes, you …

RB:              Good gracious. I can see … I mean the whole thing’s become clear to               me. How wonderful!

RC:              Isn’t that lovely? Erm, I trust you’ll just send me on the bill.

RB:              Certainly not, I wouldn’t dream of such a thing! No, no, no. I mean you’ve, you’ve, ah … You’ve helped me just as much as I’ve helped you.