Dhammananda_The_Buddhist_Way.pdf

THE BUDDHIST WAY

Dr. K. Sri Dhammananda

Duties of Parents in the Upbringing of their Children

The birth of a child is a happy event. Having a baby and bringing him up is an adventure

that can be embarked upon happily and with confidence. At the same time it means the

beginning of a long period of sacrifice and responsibility for the parents. Even though

human beings are far advanced on the evolutionary ladder, their young normally take a

long time to mature and become independent. Parents have the onerous duty of

bearing the responsibility of caring for their children and nurturing them to become useful

adults of the future. However over the centuries, societies have developed certain well-

tested formulae to guide parents in this task of child rearing. In this connection religion

plays a central role in providing parents with a framework within which to train the young

in ethics, behaviour and morality. In Buddhism, the Buddha has given very useful advice

on the duties of parents towards their children and vice versa. The SIGALOVADA

SUTRA is perhaps the best known of these valuable injunctions. The Buddha related an

incident of how he had once noticed a young man performing a simple ritual of bowing to

the six directions (north, south, east, west, zenith and nadir). Upon being questioned as

to the meaning and intent of his action, the young man replied that he did not know the

significance of his performance but that he was merely following his late father’s advice.

Characteristically, the Buddha did not condemn the young man for performing such a

ritual, but gave it a useful meaning by a practical interpretation. He said that the act of

paying respects to the six directions significance honouring and fulfilling one’s duties and

obligations to one’s parents, teachers, religious personalities, one’s wife, children and

employees. Thus, we see that the Buddha laid great emphasis on a person’s

relationship with others, but more especially so between parents and children. Parents

must care for their children, by allowing them their independence when the time is right

and by giving them their rightful inheritance in due course. On the other hand, children

on their part are duty-bound to care for their parents by extending to them filial devotion.

This is done out of mutual respect and gratitude towards them and not out of expectation

of any reward in return. It is indicated here that there is a close link between religion and

parent-children relationship. Parents should not fail to underscore the religious

significance of the birth of a child. A family that develops its relationship along sensible

established religious lines cannot go wrong.

Parents are duty-bound to develop such a relationship based on their religious cultural

heritage. Whilst other religionists have their formal and obligatory baptisms and

christenings to perform, Buddhist parents need only bring their children to the temple so

as to re-affirm their faith in the Triple Gem and to seek refuge in the Buddha, the

Dhamma and the Sangha. Having sought refuge in the Triple Gem parents themselves

may be endowed with the confidence in the up-bringing of their children with the firm

assurance that they are being protected from all evil. We cannot deny the existence of

evil forces around us which are malevolent towards human beings and which could

cause harm. Bringing a child to the temple, and having sacred traditional religious

services performed in his favour would definitely contribute to the well-being of the child.

This could also be considered as the initial step in associating the child with the temple

which if continued from a very tender age, could become part and parcel of his life. This

habit if maintained up to adult life would serve the person in good stead when confronted

with problems.

Blessing Services for Children

The reciting of Sutras imparts very beneficial effects on a child. It was reported that

during the Buddha’s time, when a child who was in a critical condition due to external

evil influence was brought before him, the Buddha instructed that the Sutras be recited

by an assembly of monks. The resultant effect was that the child averted death and

lived to a ripe old age. In fact he was called AYUWADDHANA meaning “long life”

because he was no longer in danger of a premature death.

Why do we go to the Buddha for Refuge?

When those who believe in a god experience fear, sorrow or any disturbance they pray

for help and protection. Many Buddhists ask whom they can turn to when they are

confronted with insecurity. In such circumstances Buddhists can recall the Buddha to

their mind and seek solace. There is no doubt that the Buddhist concept of god is

different from that in other religions but when they contemplate the supreme qualities of

Buddha, his great victories, and his calm and noble characteristics, their minds will be

calmed and they will gain confidence. Even many other religionists say god is not a

person, but a force which is personalized in the mind. When their minds are calmed and

strengthened by focusing on this power, they are in a position to face disturbances to

evaluate the problems and find the means to overcome them. Buddhists can overcome

their problems in a similar manner by recalling the image of the Buddha. Naturally many

of our problems are caused by the mind and mind alone is able to solve them through

understanding and confidence. That is why the knowledge of the Dharma is important.

When the mind is strengthened through inspiration and devotion towards the Buddha it

can overcome the sense of helplessness and fear of evil spirits, of being left alone, and

confidence is regained. This is what is meant by going for refuge to the Buddha.

Whilst seeking refuge for the child at the temple, offerings of flowers, incense, candles or

fruits may be made at the shrine room and the resident monks invited to recite sutras for

the blessing of the infant. If so desired, the advice of the monks may also be sought for

a suitable Buddhist name to be given to the child.

As the child grows up, it is the responsibility of parents to bring the child regularly to the

temple to enable him to associate with religious-minded people and to listen to simple

religious discourses and sermons and derive benefit therefrom. In the course of time the

child will get used to performing Buddhist practices and will feel comfortable amidst the

serene atmosphere in the temple surroundings. Of course children should also be

brought to the temple for special blessing services on important occasions like their first

day at school, examinations, birthdays and other happy events. When children get used

to listening to the sutras, they acquire immense confidence in themselves because they

know that through the beneficial influence of the sutras, they are being protected. They

therefore tend to perform better in whatever undertaking they set out to do, and as a

result are less nervous, feel more secure and will no longer have the dread of being left

utterly helpless.

Buddhist Education and Cultural Practices

An effective way to introduce religious lessons for the young on morality and ethics is by

using pictures, illustrations, religious symbols and by giving interesting talks on Buddhist

legends and stories. This method may appeal to many people, especially the young and

it can help them to appreciate Buddhism much better. Certain stage performances or

sketches depicting historical Buddhist legendary events can also help to create a good

and lasting impression on the young minds.

To lead children on the right path, parents themselves should first set the example and

lead ideal lives. It is impossible to expect worthy children from unworthy parents. Apart

from Kammic tendencies, children are influenced by the defects and virtues of parents

too. Responsible parents should take precaution not to transmit negative traits to their

children.

The Buddha’s advice regarding traditions and customs was neither to accept not to

reject anything without first considering whether such practices are meaningful and

useful. Less emphasis is placed on these methods once a person has learned the

Dhamma to lead a meaningful Buddhist life. The Buddha says that whatever methods

we use to train the mind, our attitude should be like a man who used a raft to get across

a river. After having crossed the river, he did not cling on to the raft, but left it on the

river bank to continue his journey. Similarly, cultural practices should be regarded

merely as an aid to gain inspiration and not as an end in themselves.

Buddhist cultural practices vary from country to country. When performing these

traditional practices, we must be careful not to categorise Buddhism as belonging to any

one of them. For example, we should not think in terms of Chinese Buddhism,

Sinhalese Buddhism, Japanese Buddhism, Thai Buddhism, Burmese Buddhism or

Tibetan Buddhism. This only creates disharmony, discrimination and misunderstanding.

We should also be aware of certain so-called Buddhist leaders who try to reinforce their

own Buddhist labels by incorporating many forms of charms, divine powers, mystical and

supernatural practices and concepts to hoodwink the masses. Such unscrupulous

actions are done with a total disregard to what the Buddha has said about such

practices.

Another common practice among Buddhists is to hold blessing services in their new

homes. Whenever people move into new dwelling houses, or when shifting house from

one locality to another, it is the general custom among Buddhists to invite monks to

perform blessing services so as to ensure that the place will be well protected spiritually

as well as be a peaceful abode for all who dwell in it where happiness, peace and

harmony will pervade. Similarly, such blessing services could also be performed when

occupying new business premises, or whenever a new business is launched.

MARRIAGE

According to the Buddha, as a child grows into adulthood, it is also the duty of parents to

find a suitable spouse for their offspring. Of course this is not the custom nowadays in

modern society, but nevertheless parents can be supportive when their children begin to

look for suitable mates for themselves. This would be the best opportunity to help them

not only materially but also in the form of offering discreet advice and guidance in the

choice of suitable partners, so as to avoid pitfalls in life. If the children had been coming

to the temple regularly, the chances are that they would have had the opportunity to

associate with other Buddhist youths who share with them the same religious values and

interests and who would invariably make good marriage partners.

It has been noticed that many Buddhists in this country tend to forget their spiritual

obligations when it comes to the most important and auspicious occasion of their lives –

their marriage. It is customary in Buddhist countries for engaged couples to invite

monks to their homes for a blessing service. This could be performed either before or

after the wedding which normally takes place at the Registry of Marriages or at the

homes of the parties concerned. It is hoped that all Buddhist couples would fulfill their

obligations in this manner when they get married. Simple offerings of flowers, incense

and candles are all that are required for the short blessing service to which the parents

of both parties together with their relatives and friends could be invited to participate.

Such blessing service, given on the auspicious day, would be a definite spiritual

contribution to the success, peace, harmony and happiness of the newlyweds.

Infatuation alone is not a sufficient basis for a successful marriage; hence young people

should well be advised to be sure of the spiritual side of their affair before taking the final

vows. When a couple embarks on marriage by observing religious tenets, they are

bound to have greater respect for the institution of marriage and they will naturally turn to

religion in times of stress for solace. After having been happily married the young

couple should themselves strive to become good and responsible Buddhist parents to

their own children of the future.

RELIGIOUS RITES

Although religious rites, rituals and ceremonies are not favoured by intellectuals, such

practices are nevertheless important for developing and maintaining the devotional

aspects of a religion and for creating a sense of aspiration among the masses. For

many people, cultivating devotion is the first important step towards the experience of a

religion. If there is no devotional and cultural aspects attached to Buddhism, people may

be drawn to some other kind of beliefs or practices, even though they are aware that

such practices are steeped in superstition or blind faith.

It is important for religions to have some harmless rituals and reasonable practices for

people to express their devotion and spiritual feelings. Many of the Buddhist

ceremonies help to cultivate good habits and positive emotions amongst the followers

who consequently become more tolerant, considerate and cultured people. When

performed with understanding and earnestness, these traditional practices tend to

strengthen one’s beliefs as against a mere intellectual approach. Buddhism without any

devotion would be rather cold, detached and academic.

TABOOS

Most races have their own taboos. In Malaysia perhaps we have more than our fair

share of them because the three major ethnic groups have their own animistic beliefs

and each is influenced by the others. Because of ignorance, fear and superstition each

group tends to accept the beliefs of others rather than studying them rationally and

discarding them as being irrelevant to modern society. For example many Asian

communities believe that they must not clip their finger nails after dark nor wash their

hair on certain days of the week. Some people think that it is bad luck to see shaven

headed religious men the first thing in the morning whilst others will not sweep their

houses after dark. It is even believed to be bad to carry meat around at night for fear

that it might attract evil spirits. Some parents advise their children to carry a piece of

metal to protect themselves from ghosts. Then there are those who believe that howling

dogs and hooting owls at night could bring bad luck and that a twitching of the left eye is

a bad omen. Some people consider these as very serious issues. But those who ignore

them are free from fear and disturbances.

What is the Buddhist attitude towards such beliefs? Where does rational thinking end

and superstition begin? They all seem to originate in our fear of the unknown.

Sometimes there are practical reasons for observing certain beliefs. For example it is of

course inadvisable to cut one’s fingernails in the dark simply because one could cut

one’s finger in the process. As far a evil spirits are concerned the Buddha has said that

so long as we practise loving-kindness towards all beings, visible and invisible, so long

as we do others no harm by living sensibly and believing in the power of the Dhamma or

the Truth as expounded by the Buddha, and so long as we develop our right

understanding by studying his Teachings, nothing can harm us. This again means we

have to develop our religious devotion and confidence by visiting the temple regularly,

and by having useful discussions with religious teachers so as to enrich our

understanding of the Dhamma. The temple must be a place where people can gain

more knowledge and understanding to get rid of superstitious beliefs and to eradicate

undue fear in the minds of innocent people.

CHARMS AND BLACK MAGIC

It is common practice among many Asian communities to think that they are the victims

of black magic and charms whenever they face some unhappy experiences in their

lives. At the slightest indication that something unpleasant has happened they would

often run off to consult seers, astrologers, mediums and ‘bomohs’ . Of course the

livelihood of these vendors of magic and charms depends on telling their customers that

something is wrong or that some evil forces have been employed by someone to bring

about their family misfortune. They then claim to be able to counteract these evil forces

and charge large sums of money by promising to ‘cure’ them. More often than not the

only effect is that these unsuspecting victims end up becoming lighter in their pocket and

as a result are none the wiser for their experience. Popular Buddhism has not been

spared by the antics of these quacks and charlatans, some of whom even going to the

extent of masquerading themselves as monks to make a fast dollar from their

unsuspecting victims. But the Buddha has declared in no uncertain terms that many of

our misfortunes are essentially created by the untrained impure minds and it is only

through our own efforts and understanding that we will be able to overcome them.

In this country particularly there are a great many such beliefs. This may be because

the three major races have their own peculiar beliefs, and a great deal of interchange

had taken place so much so that there had developed a tremendously varied set of

beliefs which are uniquely Malaysian.

The Buddhist cure for misfortune of any kind is as scientific as the methods of modern

psychiatry. It is summarized in the Second Noble Truth – The Cause of Suffering.

Before we can look for a cure to misfortune (ill luck, bad health, loss of someone or

something personal and family problems) we must get to the root of it. We must

examine rationally what actually is happening and understand that only we alone can

overcome the misfortune. Concentration certainly will strengthen the mind to understand

the cause of the problems in order to find a solution. In the case of sickness, a calm

mind helps to effect a cure faster. By merely appealing to the Supernatural to overcome

misfortune is not the proper solution to end suffering. We must reflect calmly that

misfortune is the lot of anyone who is born into this world and that what happens to us

must be looked at rationally so that a reasonable solution could be found. This is not

fatalistic – it shows that each individual, using the Right Effort can rid himself of

misfortune.

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