Real English Conversations – Perfect 3.pdf - Better at English - Learn English - EFL - Iwkast

Perfectionism 2

Introduction

Hi, Lori here welcoming you to another episode of Real English Conversations from

BetterAtEnglish.com. In today's conversation, my friend Yvette and I continue our discussion about

perfectionism. The main focus of this part of the conversation is how perfectionist tendencies can

cause problems in foreign language learning, particularly for adult learners. Another thing that comes

up is a couple of usage differences between British and American English. So without further ado,

here is the conversation:

Conversation Transcript

Lori:

But you know, speaking about correction, it's kind of interesting when you think about

learning a language as an adult, how perfectionism and having, like, demands on yourself

when it comes to performing...I think that's one of the biggest differences between learning

the language as an adult and, then, picking one up as a child.

Yvette:

Yeah I remember when I was in university at the very beginning in the first year I spoke

British English with a British English accent, and I was studying American English or American

studies. And I had a lot of American-speaking professors who, umm, just, you know, I

thought it was really odd to be using British language to talk to an American professor, so I

switched to American English, which was really frowned upon because it was not the

"proper" language. And everything that you did, every word you used, you had to think, "Is

this the proper American word or is it a British-ism?" Because it was...you were punished

much more severely for using British-isms as an American speaker than if you were a British

speaker using American words. It was really weird.

Lori:

Yet there's this kind of weird...at least in some classroom contexts...there's this weird elitism

when it comes to British English and American English, and like there's these weird synthetic

rules about what you're allowed to say and what's acceptable and what isn't. And, you

know, native speakers out in the world, they mix and match as they see fit.

Yvette: Right. Right, because, like, I would have to look out and make sure that I didn't use the word

"pavement," and you can say that very American-like...pavement...and then they would be

like, "No, it's 'sidewalk.' So, you're wrong." And it's like, "Oh, you know what I mean,

though!"

I know that I got punished for that, and there were other things like "ten after six" or "ten

past six"...I, you know, if you say something like "ten past six" in American voice it's really

wrong because you have to say "ten after six," which is something I didn't even know until I

was corrected. And it was like, "Oops, I didn't know there was a difference."

Lori: Wow, well, speaking as American I would say say that's something I didn't even know.

[Laughter]

Yvette: There you go ! So, but then you get to the perfection level, then you want to be absolutely

correct.

Lori: But yeah, sometimes I wish I could get back to the state that I remember having as a kid. You

know -- when I'm trying to create something and start battling with perfectionist tendencies

and procrastination and all the demands I place on myself, and the ones that I imagine that

other people are placing on me -- I wish I could just throw it all out the window and just

approach it with the carefree abandon that I remember having as a little kid.

Yvette: The thing of course is when you...now you work, and it actually...you make money doing

things and people expect a certain standard of you, and you try to hold to that standard but

often that standard is in your own head and it's not even what they're expecting you to do.

So you end up doing a lot more work for something that is really not worth the money that

you get paid for it.

Lori:

Yeah. There is that as well.

Yvette: On top of that ! But you know, as a kid I think I was already quite perfectionist in everything,

I... everything had to be perfect, everything had to be done properly.

Lori:

Yeah.

Yvette:

And I felt like I was going to get punished if I didn't, so that -- not to say anything bad about

my parents, but, because I don't think they ever held me to that standard; they always said,

"Do your best and that's good enough." But for me it had to be perfect, and then it's maybe

"okay."

Lori:

Yeah. Yeah, but, but even so I can still remember, like, approaching new things and just

being willing to just try new things that I knew I was going to suck at, because there's no way

you can be good at something right at the very beginning. And it just didn't matter; you were

willing to just give it a go anyway. And now I really sympathize with the people, my, my

students that I used to have when I taught English, my adult students, how horrible it can be

to sit in a group...and you know you need to try to speak the language but you know you're

going to make mistakes and you know it's not going to be right but you have to force

yourself to try anyway. And it's...I think, yeah, for people like me anyway, it's really hard to

force yourself to do that.

Yvette:

Well yeah it is, it is about letting go of the judgment that other people are going to have.

You know, when I, went I went to the United States for the first time and I felt really kind of

embarrassed about speaking English, people were very surprised that you were able to even

speak the language and understand what they were saying because they had no idea of

what you were saying if you spoke Dutch. I mean, they were like, you know, I could switch to

Dutch and they were like, "I don't know, that sounds really strange and odd." And so that

kind of helped me along at the time because I knew that my, you know, what I could do or

how I could speak was better than what they could speak my language, and they very often

would say, "Well, you speak better English than I do." And I thought, "Oh, I don't think so."

Lori: Yeah, well you know most...your English is fantastic, as you know, as I've often told you.

Yvette: Well, thank you.

Lori: But,

Yvette: That's right!

Lori:

But, even so, most Americans, they're just amazed that anyone can speak a language other

than their own, because even though I think most of us do study a foreign language in high

school, oftentimes it never gets past the classroom level, you know, the school level, where

really, you can do okay on written tests but you can't really have a conversation.

Yvette:

Yeah, and that's the thing, and it's also, you know, other little phrases that people use all the

time when they speak, which is probably what this is all about. it's just speaking and listening

to people just talking...normal phrases instead of these textbook phrases that nobody

understands anyway. I mean, or nobody uses.

Lori:

Yeah, they're so far removed from what you hear out in the real world that it's...

Yvette:

Right. "I would like a hotel room..."

Lori:

Please, for one. Please.

Yvette: With a bath. With a bath and a shower.

[Laughter]

Final Words

That's all for this time. In our next conversation, we'll be talking about some of the British and

American English usage questions that came up in this conversation, particularly with respect to the

prepositions "past" and "after" when talking about time. As always, the full transcript and vocabulary

notes for this podcast are available on our website, BetterAtEnglish.com. Thanks for listening, and bye

for now!

[Vocabulary notes on next page]

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Vocabulary notes

picking one up

To pick something up means to learn something in an

informal way without formal study or teaching, much like

children learn their native languages.

frowned upon

To frown upon something is to disapprove of it. Often used in

the passive ( X is frowned upon) rather than the active (Y

frowns upon X ) .

synthetic

Unnatural, man-made, artificial.

mix and match

The phrase mix and match is a fixed phrase (that is, you can't

say match and mix ), meaning to combine different things in a

way that suits your personal preference. It's often used to

describe putting an attractive outfit together from different

pieces of clothing.

look out

To look out (also watch out ) means to pay careful attention to

something, often to avoid danger .

There you go!

There you go! in this context is an informal way of showing

agreement or support for what someone just said or did.

throw it all out the window

In this context, to throw something out the window is a

metaphorical way of saying to forget about. This metaphor is

often used when referring to forgetting about or ignoring

intangible objects (things you can't touch) such as thoughts,

feelings, and experiences.

carefree abandon

Carefree (adj.) means without care, or without worries.

Abandon (n.) means, "In a wild or uncontrolled way." The two

words carefree abandon tend to "collocate," that is, they tend

to be used together as a pair.

end up

To finally be in a particular situation or place.

there is that

In this context, there is that is a fixed phrase that shows

agreement or acknowledgement. For example, if someone is

complaining about all of the negative aspects of something,

and then you mention a positive aspect, they can

acknowledge your point by saying, "Well, there is that!"

on top of that

An informal way of saying "in addition to" that.

suck

To suck at something (Am. E) means that you are bad at it.

This is an extremely informal expression that some people

would even consider vulgar. You can also say that something

sucks, which means that it is bad or unpleasant.

give it a go

To give something a go is an informal way of saying t o try , to

attempt . A similar phrase is to have a go at something .

letting go

In this context, to let go of something means to ignore it and

not let it trouble you.

far removed

In this context, far removed from means very different, or not

related to .

Real English Conversations – Perfect 3.pdf

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