1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:12,559 Synch and correct by JustFuckingShit(or teftel) www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:18,000 Tonight: A fat man gets murdered, a donkey gets overtaken, 3 00:00:18,035 --> 00:00:21,480 and James wears ladies' underwear on his head. 4 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,980 Hello. Hello, good evening. 5 00:00:31,015 --> 00:00:33,487 Welcome. Welcome, everybody. 6 00:00:33,522 --> 00:00:36,021 Thank you. Thank you so much. 7 00:00:36,056 --> 00:00:38,485 Now, we begin with a letter. 8 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:43,320 It says, "Dear Top Gear, I'm a leading light in the Albanian Mafia 9 00:00:43,355 --> 00:00:48,120 "and I'm thinking of buying the new baby Rolls-Royce, the Ghost. 10 00:00:48,155 --> 00:00:52,445 "But how does it compare to, say, a Bentley or a Mercedes? 11 00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:58,960 "Yours sincerely, Normanski Ataesi. " Now this caused one hell of a row in the office. 12 00:00:58,995 --> 00:01:01,885 The producers said we should go out to Albania and do the test. 13 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:06,360 We said, "No, we can't be seen to be helping the Mafia. " We were adamant. 14 00:01:06,395 --> 00:01:10,360 We said, "This is our line in the sand, we will not go!" 15 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:22,120 You join me on the ferry from Corfu to Albania and here is the car in question, 16 00:01:22,155 --> 00:01:25,125 the new Rolls-Royce Ghost - 17 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:30,160 ã200,000 of power, prestige and... peeled cows. 18 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,400 And this Mercedes is the alternative - 19 00:01:35,435 --> 00:01:37,845 the twin turbo-charged V12 S65. 20 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:42,080 In short, the most powerful saloon car in the world. 21 00:01:42,115 --> 00:01:46,245 And this is where the Bentley Mulsanne should be, 22 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,840 but just a few days before we were due to come out here, 23 00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:53,480 Bentley decided not to take part in the film. 24 00:01:53,515 --> 00:01:55,005 So no Bentley? 25 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,100 No. So you're going to tell a leading light of the Albanian Mafia 26 00:01:58,135 --> 00:02:01,160 you couldn't bring them their car because it was a bit difficult. 27 00:02:01,195 --> 00:02:04,440 No, I've made an alternative arrangement. 28 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:12,920 And when we arrived the alternative arrangement was waiting for us. 29 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,365 It's a Yugo. Yes. 30 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:25,400 But in a number of critical ways, it is exactly the same as the new Bentley Mulsanne. Listen to this. 31 00:02:25,435 --> 00:02:26,685 There you go. 32 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,765 That's the same sort of dull aristocratic whump. 33 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,445 Four door. There's a hole on the outside you put the fuel in. 34 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:36,160 Yeah, engine at the front, rear drive, probably. Drive it from there. From that wheel there. 35 00:02:36,195 --> 00:02:40,057 It is - for this mission, it's exactly the same as the Bentley Mulsanne, 36 00:02:40,092 --> 00:02:43,920 in the same way that Roy Hattersley is the same as a tub of lard. Yes. 37 00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,800 This is the perfect car for the job. 38 00:02:46,835 --> 00:02:48,645 Can't say that. What? 39 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:52,560 You can't say that word, the C-word. I didn't, did I? 40 00:02:52,595 --> 00:02:56,685 Not that C-word, the other C-word. Car? Yes. 41 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:01,800 Car? You can't say that, car here means gentleman's sausage. 42 00:03:01,835 --> 00:03:06,845 Really? What? That's why they all watch Top Gear in Albania. 43 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:11,165 Funnier even than Norman Wisdom, you make show about... 44 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:16,040 So when I say, "My car's enormous... " That's the funniest thing in the world they've ever heard. 45 00:03:16,075 --> 00:03:17,245 They tune in every week. 46 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,640 We do a car show. Yes, but you can't say car or peach. 47 00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:23,045 Peach? Don't say peach? 48 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:29,280 What does that mean? Lady garden. So this car's a peach is really bad. 49 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:38,560 With the ground rules established, we headed inland into the rain to begin the road test. 50 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:46,760 Let's get one thing absolutely clear from the start - the Ghost is not a bespoke Rolls-Royce, 51 00:03:46,795 --> 00:03:49,677 not like the Phantom, the bigger one. 52 00:03:49,712 --> 00:03:52,525 This one underneath is a BMW 7 Series. 53 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:58,000 However, everything you see, everything you touch, everything you feel, it's all Rolls-Royce. 54 00:03:58,035 --> 00:04:02,640 It's chuffing marvellous, this ca... motor. 55 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:10,480 At ã160,000, the S Class is ã40,000 less than the Ghost. 56 00:04:10,515 --> 00:04:12,325 But it's not like they have skimped. 57 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:18,640 I've never driven anything where you get such a sense of there being a lot of things going on 58 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:22,445 in the background, to keep you safe, to keep you on the road. 59 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,525 Everywhere I look there's a little light comes on to let you know - 60 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,925 one there to tell me it's a 30 kilometre an hour speed limit around here. 61 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:35,480 It just knows that and I have never experienced a car this big and so powerful. 62 00:04:35,515 --> 00:04:40,685 I can't believe I said car this big. 63 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:47,840 In the Mulsanne, however... I must say I'm terribly disappointed by the Bentley. 64 00:04:47,875 --> 00:04:50,365 It is the most expensive... 65 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:56,240 Oh, God, strewth! I'm going off. No, I managed to... Jesus wept! 66 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:02,005 It is the most expensive penis of the three, 67 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:07,680 ã220,000, and from where I am sitting, it is hard to see why. 68 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:15,600 Oh, crunch. What the hell were Bentley thinking of? 69 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,680 Even by Albanian standards, it was absolute rubbish. 70 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:30,000 Until 1991, Albania was probably the most extreme Marxist state in the world. 71 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:38,000 One man, who owned a cafe, got 18 years in jail for telling a customer he didn't have a spoon. 72 00:05:38,035 --> 00:05:41,485 Another guy pointed at Corfu over there and said, 73 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:46,600 "Why have they got a light in their harbour and we haven't?" He got 25 years. 74 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:53,400 And soon we were reminded of the dark days because the road just sort of stopped. 75 00:05:53,435 --> 00:05:58,880 And to make things worse, instead of white lines, they'd used rocks. 76 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,480 Let's not view this as a bad thing, it is at least a chance to test the car's ride. 77 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:15,325 As far as I'm concerned, the road merely changes colour occasionally. 78 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:21,440 I am quite surprised because this is an AMG-tuned Merc, which you would expect to be a very firm thing. 79 00:06:21,475 --> 00:06:25,760 It's coping with this very well. However, in the Bentley... 80 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:33,920 This has to be the least refined car I've ever driven. 81 00:06:33,955 --> 00:06:35,485 This is simply intolerable. 82 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:40,285 ã220,000 for this. Oh, God, it's... 83 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,285 Yeah, you got hooked up on a cat's eye, mate. 84 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:50,680 Let's - can we - if one pushes and two lift the wheel arches... We just lift it off. Heave! 85 00:06:50,715 --> 00:06:53,917 The bumper is in deep trouble here. 86 00:06:53,952 --> 00:06:57,085 Yes. Just drive it back, hang on. 87 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,480 That is wedged. That's sad to see a Bentley treated in such a... 88 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,520 Nice It's off. 89 00:07:06,555 --> 00:07:08,485 Tough thing! 90 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:15,360 Fortunately, the rough road soon ended. Unfortunately, it ended at an Albanian river crossing. 91 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,085 That's not the ferry, is it? Yes. 92 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:23,800 That's a raft, rather than a ferry, isn't it? 93 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,880 Still, it wasn't like the cars we'd be loading were valuable, or heavy. 94 00:07:29,915 --> 00:07:33,520 It's not even fastened together. It's driftwood. 95 00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:35,485 Have seen the captain's chair? 96 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:41,000 That's the most incredible thing I've seen - it's got five legs, it's got five legs. 97 00:07:41,035 --> 00:07:45,000 Despite the peril, James volunteered to go first. 98 00:07:45,035 --> 00:07:48,245 Ha-ha-ha! 99 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:53,520 No, no. You're all right now. 100 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:07,400 Oh, my God. What worries me is the Bentley is 2.8 tonnes, it's the heaviest by far. 101 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,280 Wow. I guess because it's in...
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