I stiffened. �How did you know about the party?� did he know�? �I only guessed� are you alright?� I nodded but didn�t meet his gaze. How could I tell him? But the important thing, how would he react? He took both of my hands in his and obligated me to see those shiny eyes. �Bella, tell me dear, what�s wrong?� �Edward?� the subject of my question changed �You are turning eighteen soon, aren�t you?� �Yes, on June 20th� �And, when you turn eighteen, are you going to be a soldier and go to war?� my heart sunk �Yes, I will leave to war� his eyes were sad too �and I will really miss you like you have no idea� �I see�� my heart was a 1000 pieces unsolved puzzle, that brought sobs to my chest �I don�t want you to go Edward I won�t let you!� �I have to go, my dad and the rest of the soldiers are back now, most of them got the influenza, and there will be less of them� �See?! Imagine you go and then when you return, you have a dangerous ill!� I started to sob against his chest he put his arms around me I could hear he was crying too �Is the only thing I can do now, my dad is sick. Doctors are very busy, and all the patients have to wait to be attended� �You can�t leave Edward! I can�t be happy without you� the truth came out of my mouth unthinkingly ruining the charade I�d been putting all those months �I love you so much� �I know Bella I love you too, more than you can even imagine� he sighed and erased his tears �But I can�t stay here, because if I do� �I can�t be happy without you� I muttered �Of course you can� he stroked my hair �You will be fabulous here with your family� I snorted �Yes of course I will� rolled eyes �If�� he struggled for the right words �you want to�I can... stay until... he proposes�� �You don�t have to� I sighed �he already did� I felt his tension �Really?� I hid my face in his chest and nodded �I had to say yes, I couldn�t hurt him, I love him too, Edward� �I see�� he quoted Long silence �Can I tell you something? It is just to make things clear� �Yes, go ahead� He smiled softly �I love you more than myself Bella, I am in love with you, and you are everything to me. I wanted to get on one knee and propose since the day I met you. But I knew Jacob will do it first, and with your dad�s permission. I don�t fit very well in society, and I don�t have a lot of material things, but I could have given everything I have. I know is too late, I know you are getting married, but now, you know how I feel about you. You complete me, but as long as you are completed without me, I can live with a hole� I shook my head �No, I think you are wrong. I can�t be complete without you either, I told you, but I never knew you felt that way about me, never suspected. I always thought your biggest goal was going to war. Edward, I am in love with you too. And I accepted because I didn�t think you felt that way about me� �Finally,� he whispered �How could you think that dear, you don�t see yourself clearly you know� should I mention everything I love about you?� he meant it� he truly meant it� I blushed �So, you love me too�� my heart raced inside of my chest� �Of course� he grinned and now my heart officially exploded �And I guess you don�t know what I�m about to do, do you?� I shook my head no, but before I could say something he grabbed my neck and pulled me into a deep passionate kiss. The one I�d been dreaming until that day. His lips danced with mine perfectly, as if they were meant to be together. Maybe they were. His tongue traced my lower lip asking for an entrance. I allowed it. It was the sweetest, yet passionate, kiss I�d ever received. His hands moved from my neck, down my spine, to my waist to pull me closer. I did the same to the back of his head, not allowing any space between us. Blood pulsed through my veins so fast, I never wanted to stop. Jacob had never kissed me like that, so� lovingly. The heat was so strong, despite the autumn breeze. Both �unwillingly- broke apart, grasping for air. I had to concentrate on breathing in and out. The back of his hand traced from my temple to my chin, sending shivers down my spine �I always wanted to do that,� his voice was soft �and always with this little girl right here� �I will confess you something� it was easy to get used to that feeling with him, yet it was new and powerful �My every-night dream was that wonderful kiss� �Mine as well my dear� his lips pressed against mine softly one, twice and a third time �You have been in each of my dream since I met you� We were laying on the grass, I snuggled myself closer. He rounded me with one arm. The silence made the moment perfect until I remembered the first argument �So you have to leave�� a single tear came down �and that�s absolute?� He had to go, for his own happiness� I had to let him �I could stay if you want me to� he was hurting himself �No� I breathed �If you really want to go, don�t stay because of me, not because I need you. I will survive� that�s why you are leaving me with Jacob. He will protect me don�t worry, I trust him. You can leave and be happy following your father�s steps, and I can live following the path mine draw for me� �My turn to sacrifice, you already did a hundred times. When you come here with me, escaping� sneaking from your family just to be with me�� �But it�s worth it, and exciting!� �It�s risky nonetheless� he sighed �I keep being selfish, making you those things� �Nonsense! I do it because I want to� �Anyways these visits will end soon, I assume� �Why so you say that?� �You are getting married! You are supposed to spend time with your fianc�e� I shuddered �As much as I want to spend time with him� I really need to see you� �So then it will be less often� he caressed my cheek �I don�t like it� �Sorry� his hand moved from my face �No, no� I took it and put it back �I do like this. But what I don�t like is the marriage condition� �I feel bad now you know� �Long ago, I didn�t care belonging to the lowest society. Now I regret not being part of it, if I had been.. you and I could get married� �Wait,� I stretched to look at him �You would ask me to marry you if you could?� �Of course I would!� his expression sounded like offended �I could do it right now!� �Really� you� marry� would� me� He chuckled �Yes, indeed. I really envy Jacob right now. To share lifetime with you!� I blushed �Romeo and Juliet�� He thought my conclusion for a moment �You really think a priest will unite us in holy matrimony while you are engaged with another man?� �We could try�� too risky. What if my mother get to know it? But it was so tempting �We could, but first of all, you really don�t care marrying me? If you love Jacob too?� I bit my lower lip �I definitely love you more, but I don�t want to hurt him anymore� �So this is out of question� it was more an statement than a question �Let me think about it, I could find somehow� I hugged him tighter �I really want to be your wife� �It will hurt to share you my dear,� he answered the hug �are you sure you want it? It will make you unhappy at some point having to split your love into two� and then when you have children splitting it even more�� I thought about that too. Children, family, growing old. Edward had feelings too. At some point the situation could get out of control, and running away was not the best idea �I never thought that I would say this but, I don�t care about the future right now, in fact, I just want to be happy with you!� �And Jacob?� Heartbreak �I guess I�ll have to leave it as family love� �Don�t hurt yourself love,� he kissed the top of my head �Let�s not worry about that, future is still undefined. Remember what I told about destiny written on the sand?� �Yes, how could I forget that?� �Well I suppose someone wrote on the sand that we shall not be together� �And maybe fate�s wind will erase that?� �Exactly� �I hope it does, I feel so confused� �Love does that frequently� he ruffled my hair softly �I will personally hit love if it keeps making things so complex� �And I will gladly help you� And that was that day�s conversation. The conversation that changed my perspective of life and, especially, love.
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