Encyklopedia Humoru.pdf

ENCYCLOPEDIA

HUMOR

Lowell D. Streiker

HENDEICKSON

PUBLISHERS

An Encyclopedia of Humor

Published by Hendrickson Publishers, Inc.

P.O. Box 3473

Peabody, Massachusetts 01961-3473

this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmit-

ted in any form or by any means (printed, written, photocopied, visual elec-

tronic, audio or otherwise) without the prior permission of the publisher.

Disclaimer: The names of persons, businesses, and churches used in this

collection are mostly fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, businesses, or

churches living or dead is, for the most part, purely coincidental.

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 1-56563-305-9

Fourth Printing — February 1999

Cover design by Paetzold Design, Batavia, 111.

Interior design by Pinpoint Marketing, Kirkland, Wash.

Edited by Scott Pinzon, Margaret D. Smith, and Heather Stroobosscher

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

An encyclopedia of humor / [compiled and written by] Lowell Streiker.

Includes index.

ISBN 1-56563-305-9 (cloth)

1. American wit and humor. 2. Religion-Humor. I. Streiker,

Lowell D.

PN6162.E5 1998

973' .02' 07-dc21

98-9845

CIP

CONTENTS

AN INTRODUCTION

vii

INTRODUCING LOWELL STREIKER

viii

1. CHURCH LIFE

A martyr is someone who has to live with a saint

2. KIDS' THEOLOGY

You don't have to do homework in heaven

(unless your teacher is there, too)

3. HEAVEN & HELL

We could've gotten here sooner if we hadn't eaten

all that oat bran

4. MEN VS. WOMEN

I'm so miserable without you, it's like having you here

5. FAMILY & HOME

121

Insanity is hereditary: you get it from your kids

6. BLOOPERS, BUMPER SNICKERS, &ZINCERS 169

Save the whales; collect the whole set

7. SPORTS & LEISURE

197

Bacteria is the only culture some people have

8. ON THE JOB (BUT OUT TO LUNCH)

209

To err is human; to forgive is not company policy

9. 'PHYSICIAN, HEAL THYSELF!"

235

The doctor is very busy; please have your

symptoms ready

10. LAWYERS

245

Notice: Inalienable Rights Cancelled for Today

11. COPS & ROBBERS

275

Headline: "Thugs eat then rob proprietor"

12. GOVERNMENTS, MILITARY

285

If the Russian rulers were the Tsar and Tsarina,

were their children Tsardines?

13. TOO MANY LIGHT BULB JOKES

315

Q: How many Amish does it take to change

a light bulb? A: What's a light bulb?

14. AGING & HEALTH

325

You're only young once, but you can stay

immature indefinitely

15. YOU'RE ALL NOTHING BUT AN IMALSF

351

When a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

16. THE REST OF THE WORLD

367

I try to daydream, but my mind keeps wandering

TOPICAL INDEX

406

Jik lyf

W #• m ^1

INTRODUCTION

^"MF Noted evangelist John Franklin was speaking at two

V*9 different churches in a large city in the same week.

l|C^J> A reporter was present at the first service. After the

sermon the evangelist pleaded with the reporter not to publish

in the local paper any of the jokes he had used that night since

he was going to use the same stories the following night at the

other church. The next morning the reporter published an

excellent review of the evangelist's message and concluded

with these words: "The Reverend Mr. Franklin also told many

stories that cannot be published."

What follows is a collection of stories that definitely can be

published! Here are nearly three thousand of my all-time

favorite anecdotes, jokes, and witty comments about virtually

every topic under the sun. I trust that they will be of value to

you as you meet and communicate with others—whatever your

vocation may be. Laughter is a powerful force, and it is yours

to use whether you are a minister, a public speaker, a teacher,

a salesman, an office worker, a psychologist, or a plumber!

The laughter encouraged by this collection is supportive of

human dignity. It is life-affirming and life-giving. And it is, to

borrow a word from religion, prophetic. It comforts the afflicted

and afflicts the comfortable. It ennobles our spirits and extends

our love to others.

And, above all, it's fun!

So remember four simple words:

Live. Love. Laugh. Bloom!

—Reverend Lowell

Vll

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