1 00:00:02,891 --> 00:00:06,650 It's goat bone? I don't want that. 2 00:00:06,651 --> 00:00:09,810 And it's got a cockerel on it. 3 00:00:09,811 --> 00:00:11,851 Yeah, I'll have one of them and the kettle. 4 00:00:11,852 --> 00:00:13,930 Oh, God! What? 5 00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:15,691 My bed's gone out of alignment. 6 00:00:17,971 --> 00:00:20,970 'Our adventure began in Uganda where, 7 00:00:20,971 --> 00:00:23,610 'armed with three £1,500 estate cars, 8 00:00:23,611 --> 00:00:27,370 'we were given a spectacular challenge.' 9 00:00:27,371 --> 00:00:30,451 You will find the source of the River Nile. 10 00:00:33,891 --> 00:00:37,971 'To make life easier, we converted our cars into mobile homes.' 11 00:00:38,046 --> 00:00:39,444 Whoa! 12 00:00:39,445 --> 00:00:42,245 What's that? Living quarters combined with a workshop. 13 00:00:46,485 --> 00:00:49,004 Nobody in the history of Africa 14 00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:52,404 has ever been more comfortable than this. 15 00:00:52,405 --> 00:00:56,125 'Having failed to find the source of the Nile in western Uganda...' 16 00:00:57,245 --> 00:01:00,684 Southeast? Yeah. It's no good. 17 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:04,485 '..We decided the actual source was in northern Tanzania.' 18 00:01:04,486 --> 00:01:09,884 That means going through Rwanda, Tanzania to there. Such a long way! 19 00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:11,658 It is a long way. Right. 20 00:01:11,659 --> 00:01:17,818 'And so, a 600-mile journey began, a journey that has already 21 00:01:17,819 --> 00:01:21,259 'taken us through the toughest terrain imaginable.' 22 00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:23,538 Argh! Aaarrrrghhh! 23 00:01:23,539 --> 00:01:24,938 Whoa! 24 00:01:24,939 --> 00:01:26,899 Come on! Come on! 25 00:01:28,699 --> 00:01:31,338 AAAAARRRRRGHHHH! 26 00:01:31,339 --> 00:01:36,019 'And, on top of all this, it turned out I was travelling with a thief.' 27 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:39,498 How long's that been there? Good grief! 28 00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:41,658 Is that my door?! 29 00:01:41,659 --> 00:01:44,897 Well, you're not using that bit. You didn't even notice. 30 00:01:44,898 --> 00:01:46,259 That's it! That's it! 31 00:01:47,237 --> 00:02:08,599 <font color="#3399CC">Subtitles by </font><font color="ffffff">MemoryOnSmells</font> <font color="#3399CC">http://UKsubtitles.ru.</font> 32 00:02:18,899 --> 00:02:23,218 'As dawn broke, the peace and serenity of this beautiful 33 00:02:23,219 --> 00:02:28,139 'Ugandan morning was shattered by the bellow of a wild animal.' 34 00:02:29,339 --> 00:02:31,339 CLARKSON! 35 00:02:37,899 --> 00:02:40,817 Last night, while Hammond and May were round the campfire 36 00:02:40,818 --> 00:02:45,177 discussing Uganda, I made an interesting modification to my car. 37 00:02:45,178 --> 00:02:48,417 Yesterday, I discovered hill starts were very difficult. 38 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:51,977 I can't ride the clutch because of the throttle problem and I can't use 39 00:02:51,978 --> 00:02:53,977 the handbrake because it's broken, 40 00:02:53,978 --> 00:02:57,137 so what I've done is fitted this log at the back. 41 00:02:57,138 --> 00:03:00,297 You tow it along normally, but then when you want to start on a hill, 42 00:03:00,298 --> 00:03:02,099 you let the car roll back onto it, 43 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:05,378 use it as a wedge and set off easily. 44 00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:08,419 It's simple, it's elegant, it's brilliant. 45 00:03:14,459 --> 00:03:19,379 'As we set off on our long drive, the mood was a little fractious.' 46 00:03:21,059 --> 00:03:25,259 If I know James May at all, and I'm sorry to have to say I do, 47 00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:29,578 he won't be so cross about the theft of part of his bonnet as 48 00:03:29,579 --> 00:03:33,699 he will be about the shoddiness of the execution of the theft. 49 00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:36,938 It's not a neat job. That will rankle. 50 00:03:36,939 --> 00:03:38,218 Look at it! 51 00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,457 I mean, that looks like it was done 52 00:03:40,458 --> 00:03:42,857 with a knife and fork by the council. 53 00:03:42,858 --> 00:03:46,139 It's not square, it's not neat, he's wasted material, 54 00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:49,538 he's left sharp edges, it's all bent. 55 00:03:49,539 --> 00:03:52,579 I cannot conceive of the mind of a man who would look at that 56 00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:55,658 and think that was the right way to do it. 57 00:03:55,659 --> 00:03:58,977 'I don't mind you taking a bit of my bonnet, that's fair. 58 00:03:58,978 --> 00:04:01,779 'I do mind you doing such an appalling bloody job of it, 59 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:03,418 'you ham-fisted oaf!' 60 00:04:03,419 --> 00:04:05,257 Honestly, I could do a better job than that 61 00:04:05,258 --> 00:04:06,659 with the end of a bulldozer! 62 00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:09,738 Well, I... I couldn't find any tools. 63 00:04:09,739 --> 00:04:12,097 'The back of the car is full of bloody tools! 64 00:04:12,098 --> 00:04:14,977 'The biggest tool in this operation was you!' 65 00:04:14,978 --> 00:04:18,499 A pair of tin snips looks like a pair of robust scissors 66 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:22,978 and their function is obvious. They are obviously not a hammer! 67 00:04:22,979 --> 00:04:26,698 This could go on. 'Obviously not a screwdriver! 68 00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:30,459 'They are obviously not a spanner! They are obviously designed...' 69 00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:32,859 There we go, that's got rid of him. 70 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,578 'Soon we came to an uphill stretch, 71 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,779 'so I decided to test my new handbrake.' 72 00:04:42,619 --> 00:04:46,499 Simply pop it off the back, roll it out. 73 00:04:49,219 --> 00:04:50,499 Watch this. 74 00:04:52,019 --> 00:04:53,339 Roll back. 75 00:04:59,459 --> 00:05:04,018 The wooden handbrake is holding me, I simply set off. 76 00:05:04,019 --> 00:05:05,979 Here we go. 77 00:05:09,939 --> 00:05:14,298 Oh, yes! So there we are, 78 00:05:14,299 --> 00:05:18,539 hill starting solved! Sometimes my genius is... 79 00:05:19,699 --> 00:05:21,179 It's almost frightening! 80 00:05:23,219 --> 00:05:25,458 Well, fair dos, that works. 81 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:31,099 You do have to tow a log about, but it works. I am a happy man today. 82 00:05:33,259 --> 00:05:39,258 Chaps? Yes? Are we likely to see a gorilla? I hope we do see a gorilla. 83 00:05:39,259 --> 00:05:40,857 I'd show them my bonnet and say, 84 00:05:40,858 --> 00:05:42,817 "Could you do a better job than that?" 85 00:05:42,818 --> 00:05:46,379 But look on the bright side, James, it's going to be a scorcher today. 86 00:05:49,659 --> 00:05:51,499 Oh, my God! 87 00:06:03,979 --> 00:06:09,578 Oh! Did that...? Oh, dear! 88 00:06:09,579 --> 00:06:13,859 The handbrake bounced up and has broken my hotel viewing platform. 89 00:06:13,860 --> 00:06:16,578 You've got glass in your duvet! 90 00:06:16,579 --> 00:06:19,138 Stupidest idea in history! 91 00:06:19,139 --> 00:06:21,897 Jeremy, people walk around here barefoot. 92 00:06:21,898 --> 00:06:24,739 You've got to sweep all this stuff. We have. 93 00:06:24,740 --> 00:06:29,778 But look - God gave us a tool for just such a moment as this. 94 00:06:29,779 --> 00:06:32,937 Would you not agree this is the ideal tool, James, for this job? 95 00:06:32,938 --> 00:06:36,419 Yes, hammers do have their uses. I can think of one right now. 96 00:06:37,459 --> 00:06:39,099 'After cleaning up my mess, 97 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:44,099 'we carried on through yet more breathtaking countryside.' 98 00:06:51,499 --> 00:06:54,419 Look at the state of that view. Wait a minute. 99 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:04,339 Does the world get any prettier than this? 100 00:07:13,619 --> 00:07:16,979 'In fact the only blot on the landscape was our hideous 101 00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:19,179 'Ford Scorpio back-up car.' 102 00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:25,979 I've just realised I forgot to eat anything this morning. I'm starving. 103 00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:31,058 Well, Hammond made me a lovely plate of beans. Beans? What sort of beans? 104 00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,899 Do you know, they were baked?! 105 00:07:35,619 --> 00:07:40,698 'Soon, the dirt track gave way to some perfect Chinese-built roads, 106 00:07:40,699 --> 00:07:44,379 'a blessed relief for our battered cars. 107 00:07:52,179 --> 00:07:54,778 'And after a simple 50-mile cruise, 108 00:07:54,779 --> 00:07:56,739 'we reached the border.' 109 00:08:00,619 --> 00:08:07,058 Goodbye, Uganda, and thank you. That was an education. And now, Rwanda. 110 00:08:07,059 --> 00:08:08,739 I don't know anything about Rwanda. 111 00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:13,579 'As it turned out, James knew even less.' 112 00:08:15,979 --> 00:08:21,898 James? What? Apparently they drive on the other side of the road in Rwanda. 113 00:08:21,899 --> 00:08:27,859 Do they really? James, really, we're not fooling you! Yeah, yeah. 114 ...
Dolarkrik