00:01:38:- Come here.|- What? 00:01:59:- Good morning, Mrs Staples.|- Good morning, madam. 00:02:13:Late! Late! 00:03:11:Oh, fuck! Fuck! 00:03:19:Fuck! 00:03:31:- Fuck! Right, we take yours.|- It only goes 40 miles an hour. 00:03:46:What turn-off? 00:03:49:- Better not be the B359.|- It's the B359. 00:03:52:Fuck it! 00:03:58:Fuck! 00:04:05:Fuck. 00:04:18:Fuck. 00:04:30:Fuck. 00:04:31:Fuckity fuck! 00:04:37:Bugger. 00:04:49:Hello, Charles. 00:05:07:There's a greatness to your lateness. 00:05:09:It's not achieved without real suffering. 00:05:14:I am so sorry. 00:05:15:I'll be killing myself after the service,|if that's any consolation. 00:05:19:- Doesn't matter. Tom was standing by.|- Thanks, Tom. You're a saint. 00:05:24:Disastrous haircut. 00:05:30:- You haven't forgotten the rings?|- No. 00:05:52:Hate people being late. Hate it. 00:06:05:Here we go. 00:06:29:Oh, isn't she lovely! 00:06:32:Scarlett, you're blind.|She looks like a big meringue. 00:06:44:Dear friends, what a joy it is|to welcome you to our church 00:06:47:on this wonderful day|for Angus and Laura. 00:06:51:Before we start the service,|let us all join together in the first hymn. 00:08:00:Scarlett. 00:08:05:Dearly beloved, we are gathered|together here in the sight of God 00:08:09:and in the face of this congregation 00:08:12:to join together this man|and this woman in holy matrimony, 00:08:15:which is an honourable estate,|instituted in the time of man's innocency. 00:08:20:Back in a sec. 00:08:21:If any man can show|any just cause or impediment 00:08:24:why they may not be|lawfully joined together, 00:08:27:Iet him speak now|or for ever hold his peace. 00:08:31:Do you promise to love her, comfort her, 00:08:35:honour and keep her,|in sickness and in health, 00:08:37:and, forsaking all others,|keep thee only unto her 00:08:41:- for as long as ye both shall live?|- I do. 00:08:45:To love and to cherish 00:08:47:- till death us do part.|- till death us do part. 00:08:50:- And thereto I pledge thee my troth.|- And thereto I pledge thee my troth. 00:08:56:Do you have the ring? 00:09:05:- With this ring, I thee wed.|- With this ring, I thee wed. 00:09:11:With my body, I thee worship. 00:09:13:With my body, I thee worship. 00:09:16:And with all my worldly goods|I do thee endow. 00:09:19:And with all my worldly goods|I thee endow. 00:09:29:'lf I speak with the tongues of men|and of angels, but have not love, 00:09:34:I am become as sounding brass,|or a clanging cymbal.' 00:09:37:Good point. 00:10:36:- Great hat.|- Thanks. I bought it specially. 00:10:44:There. 00:10:53:Right. Get in position, please. 00:10:56:Thank you. Smile. 00:10:59:- Splendid, I thought. What did you think?|- I thought splendid. What did you think? 00:11:03:Splendid, I thought. 00:11:05:Scarlotta, fabulous dress! 00:11:07:The ecclesiastical purple|and the pagan orange 00:11:10:symbolising the symbiosis in marriage 00:11:13:between the heathen|and Christian traditions? 00:11:15:That's right. 00:11:17:Lovely. And again. 00:11:21:- Any idea who the girl in the black hat is?|- Name's Carrie. 00:11:25:- She's pretty.|- American. 00:11:28:Interesting. 00:11:29:Slut. 00:11:31:Really? 00:11:34:Used to work at Vogue.|Lives in America now. 00:11:36:Only goes out with|very glamorous people. 00:11:40:Quite out of your league. 00:11:42:Well, that's a relief. Thanks. 00:11:45:- See you there.|- Off you go. 00:11:50:Right. Reception. 00:11:56:Bye! 00:12:05:Anyone else tread in a cowpat? 00:12:08:No, thought not. See you in a mo. 00:12:10:Do you think l'd hate him as much|if he wasn't my brother? 00:12:16:Don't want to blow my chances|for romance by smelling of dung. 00:12:24:I never know what to say|in these wretched line-ups. 00:12:28:It's a cinch. Just give a big, warm hug|and say the bride looks pregnant. 00:12:32:- Or go for 'you must be very proud'.|- Heaven preserve us. 00:12:38:- You must be very proud.|- Indeed. 00:12:40:- Hello.|- Hello. 00:12:42:Hello. 00:12:50:Hi. We've met. It's Richard Maples. 00:12:55:Bastard. 00:13:04:Hello, Bern. 00:13:05:Two, please. 00:13:07:- You have fun.|- Take care. 00:13:13:- Hello.|- Hi. 00:13:17:- Do you want one of these?|- Thank you. 00:13:20:- I...|- Hello, Charles. 00:13:23:Hello, dear John.|How are you? How are you? 00:13:25:- Good. This is...|- Carrie. 00:13:28:- Delighted. I'm John.|- Hi, John. 00:13:33:- How's your gorgeous girlfriend?|- She's no longer my girlfriend. 00:13:36:Ah, dear. I wouldn't get|too gloomy about it. 00:13:39:Rumour has it she never stopped bonking|Toby de Lisle in case you didn't work out. 00:13:43:She is now my wife. 00:13:46:Excellent. Congratulations. 00:13:49:Excuse me. 00:13:52:Any kids or anything, John? 00:13:55:Do we hear the patter of tiny feet? 00:14:00:No. 00:14:01:Well, there's plenty of time for that,|isn't there? No hurry. 00:14:15:Hi. How are you? 00:14:32:- My name's Fiona.|- I'm Gerald. 00:14:37:- What do you do?|- I'm training to be a priest. 00:14:40:Good Lord! 00:14:43:- Do you do weddings?|- No, not yet. 00:14:46:I will, of course. Jolly nerve-racking. 00:14:48:Yes, rather like the first time one has sex. 00:14:54:Well, I suppose so. 00:14:56:Though rather less messy, of course,|and far less call for condoms. 00:15:09:How're you doing? 00:15:12:Remember the time|you started Dad's boat... 00:15:15:..and the propeller cut my leg to shreds? 00:15:18:This is worse. 00:15:24:- Who's that boy over there in the grey?|- His name's David. 00:15:29:Something of a dish, isn't he? 00:15:31:Well, l've always thought so. 00:15:34:- Why are they...?|- The dish can't hear. 00:15:39:Gosh. 00:15:40:Yeah, silent but deadly attractive. 00:15:45:Bang, bang, bang. That's it. 00:15:47:Into the marquee, please.|Dinner is served. 00:15:53:- How do you do?|- Hello. Tom. Splendid to meet you. 00:15:57:Very exciting. 00:16:11:Hi. 00:16:14:My name's Scarlett. Don't let me|drink too much cos l'll get really flirty. 00:16:20:- How do you do? My name's Charles.|- Don't be ridiculous. 00:16:25:- Charles died 20 years ago.|- Must be a different Charles, I think. 00:16:31:Are you telling me|I don't know my own brother? 00:16:33:No. 00:16:51:Ladies and gentlemen,|l'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. 00:16:55:There are just one or two little things|I feel I should say, as best man. 00:16:59:This is only the second time l've been|a best man. I hope I did OK that time. 00:17:04:The couple in question|are at least still talking to me. 00:17:09:Unfortunately, they're not|actually talking to each other. 00:17:13:The divorce came through|a couple of months ago. 00:17:19:But l'm assured it had|absolutely nothing to do with me. 00:17:22:Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister|before I mentioned it in the speech. 00:17:29:The fact that he'd slept with her mother|came as a surprise, 00:17:33:but I think was incidental to the|nightmare of recrimination and violence 00:17:41:that became their two-day marriage. 00:17:44:Anyway, enough of that.|My job today is to talk about Angus. 00:17:47:There are no skeletons in his cupboard. 00:17:50:Or so I thought. 00:17:54:I'll come on to that in a minute.|I would just like to say this. 00:18:02:I am, 00:18:03:as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone|who makes this kind of commitment 00:18:10:that Angus and Laura have made today. 00:18:13:I know I couldn't do it and 00:18:17:I think it's wonderful they can. 00:18:20:So, back to Angus and those sheep. 00:18:27:So, ladies and gentlemen,|if you'd raise your glasses. 00:18:30:The adorable couple. 00:19:39:I remember the first time|I saw Gareth dancing. 00:19:42:I feared lives would be lost. 00:19:46:She's a pretty girl -|the one you can't take your eyes off. 00:19:50:Is it love at first sight? 00:19:53:Good Lord, no!|lt's the bloke she's dancing with. 00:19:56:I played rugby with him at school.|I'm wondering what position he played. 00:20:02:Though, let's say,|for the sake of argument, 00:20:05:one did take a fancy|to someone at a wedding. 00:20:09:Do you think there really|are people who can say 00:20:12:'Hi, babe. My name's Charles.|This is your lucky night'? 00:20:17:- Well, if there are, they're not English.|- Quite. 00:20:21:Three weeks is about|my question-popping minimum. 00:20:26:You know I love you, Jean, don't you?|I love you. I love you. 00:20:30:And, Mike, l've never met you before,|but I love you very much. I really do. 00:20:37:Ignore her. She's drunk. 00:20:40:At least I hope she is.|Otherwise, l'm in real trouble. 00:20:47:- How's it going, Lyds?|- Bloody awful. 00:20:50:Oh, dear! What's the prob? 00:20:53:I was promised sex. Everybody said it. 00:20:57:'You be a bridesmaid, you'll get sex.|You'll be fighting them off.' 00:21:00:But not so much as a tongue in sight. 00:21:05:Well, I mean, if you fancy anything, 00:21:10:- I could always...|- Don't be ridiculous, Bernard. 00:21:14:- I'm not that desperate.|- No, right. Of course. 00:21:17:Fair enough. It's a good point. 00:21:37:Bye! 00:21:40:Have a lovely time! Bye! 00:22:15:Where are you staying tonight, Charles? 00:22:19:Scarlett and I are at some pub. The Lucky|Boat, something like that. Aren't we all? 00:22:25:No. Slight change of plan. 00:22:28:The others are coming back to my place.|Nansy's in residence. 00:22:32:Might knock us up a plate of eggs|and bake over a late-night Scrabble. 00:22:35:- I wondered if you'd like to join.|- Yeah! Thanks very much. 00:22:39:- Is there room for Scarlett?|- Absolutely. 00:22:42:1 37 rooms, actually. 00:22:45:Right. Tommy, are you|the richest man in England? 00:22:49:No! 00:22:52:I believe we're about seventh. 00:22:56:The Queen, obviously, and that|Branson bloke's doing terribly well. 00:23:03:Well, excellent news.|I'll go and tell Scarlett. 00:23:07:Yeah. 00:23:08:That's unless you get lucky first. 00:23:19:Hi. 00:23:21:Hi. I thought you'd...
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