{3528}{3603}Craig, honey, it's time for bed. {3679}{3731}Craig, honey, time to get up. {3733}{3783}Craig, honey, time to get up. {3785}{3866}Craig, honey, time to get up.|Craig, honey, time to get up. {3867}{3947}- Lotte.|- I'm sorry. I didn't know|Orrin Hatch was out of his cage. {3949}{4021}- Come on. Morning, sweetheart.|- Morning. {4022}{4074}What are you gonna do today? {4076}{4143}- Working in the workshop.|- I was thinking. {4145}{4213}Maybe you'd feel better|if you got a job. {4216}{4262}We've been over this. {4264}{4369}Nobody's looking for a puppeteer|in today's wintry economic climate. {4371}{4477}I know, honey,|but I thought, you know... {4479}{4563}maybe something else|until this puppet thing turns around. {4565}{4635}Derek Mantini|doesn't need a day job. {4637}{4723}Not everybody can be|Derek Mantini. {4725}{4813}I gotta get to the shop. We have|a shipment of kitty litter coming in. {4814}{4883}Will you do me a favor?|Will you take a look at Elijah today? {4885}{4977}- He's not feeling very good again.|- Which one is Elijah again? {5009}{5081}- The chimp, honey.|- Yeah, okay. {5167}{5263}On the lighter side of|the news, in Westchester County today... {5265}{5366}puppeteer Derek Mantini|thrill edonlookers as he performed|The Belle of Amherst... {5367}{5440}with a 60-foot|Emily Dickinson puppet. {5479}{5533}How dreary to be somebody. {5534}{5642}How public, like a frog,|to tell one's name the live long day. {5644}{5713}Gimmicky bastard. {5771}{5858}You don't know lucky you are,|being a monkey. {5860}{5943}Because consciousness... {5946}{6013}is a terrible curse. {6015}{6103}I think, I feel...|I suffer. {6157}{6276}And I'll ask in return|is the opportunity to do my work. {6315}{6363}And they won't allow it... {6365}{6441}because I raise issues. {6688}{6755}While we enjoy|the pleasures of an uneasy love... {6757}{6817}and abandon ourselves|to fornication... {6819}{6900}we were spared God's severity. {6902}{6987}Say no more, I beg you,|and cease from complaints like these... {6989}{7075}which are so far removed|from the true depths of love. {7077}{7169}Look, a puppet show! {7171}{7254}Okay, honey, just for a minute.|Mommy's waiting. {7256}{7316}Even during|the celebration of Mass... {7317}{7376}when our prayers should be pure... {7378}{7452}Lewd visions of these pleasures|take such a hold... {7454}{7502}upon my unhappy soul... {7504}{7588}that my thoughts are|on their very wantonness... {7591}{7645}instead of my prayers. {7743}{7793}Sometimes my thoughts|are betrayed... {7794}{7886}by the movement of my body. {7888}{7968}I took my fill|of my wretched pleasures in you... {7969}{8070}and this was|the sum total of my love. {8789}{8853}You motherfucker! {9016}{9087}Oh, Craig! {9089}{9148}Honey, not again! {9150}{9235}Why do you do this|to yourself, honey? {9236}{9319}I'm a puppeteer. {11484}{11531}Seven and a half, right? {11532}{11588}- Uh, yeah.|- I'll take you through it. {11980}{12073}Seven and a half. {12102}{12150}Thank you. {12932}{13011}Welcome to Lestercorp.|How may we meet your filing needs? {13013}{13067}No. Um... my name's|Craig Schwartz. {13069}{13139}- I have an interview with Dr Lester.|- Oh. {13141}{13219}- Please have a seat, Mr.Juarez.|- Schwartz. {13220}{13274}- Pardon?|- Schwartz. {13275}{13379}I'm sorry. I have no idea|what you're saying to me right now. {13381}{13463}- My name is Schwartz.|- My name is Warts? {13681}{13731}Mr.Juarez? {13733}{13780}Oh. Yes? {13783}{13841}- Chest?|- I said, "Yes"? {13843}{13905}You suggest what?|I'm sorry... {13908}{14003}I have no time for piddling suggestions|from mumbling job applicants. {14005}{14043}Besides, Dr Lester|will see you now. {14043}{14072}Besides, Dr Lester|will see you now. {14128}{14173}Come in, Mr.Juarez. {14225}{14322}- Actually, my name|is Craig Schwartz, Dr Lester.|- Security! {14324}{14392}No, sir, it's... It's just|a little mix-up with your secretary. {14393}{14469}My name is Craig Schwartz.|I tried to explain that to her. {14471}{14517}She's not my secretary. {14519}{14593}- She's what they call|an executive liaison.|- Ah. {14595}{14657}And I am not banging her,|if that's what you're implying. {14659}{14761}No, sir, not at all.|I think I must have simply misspoke. {14946}{15046}Ah. Well, now,|tell me, Dr Schwartz... {15047}{15114}what do you feel|you can bring to Lestercorp? {15115}{15196}Uh, well, sir,|I'm an excellent filer. {15197}{15280}Are you? All right.|Let's see about that. {15412}{15533}Tell me, which of these two letters|comes first? This one or this one? {15601}{15666}The symbol on the left|is not a letter, sir. {15667}{15716}Damn, you're good. {15719}{15778}- I was trying to trick you.|- I see. {15779}{15842}Well, then, put these in order. {15870}{15917}Yes, sir. {16005}{16066}Floris, get Guinness on the phone. {16068}{16134}Yes, sir.|Genghis Khan Capone. Fine. {16136}{16182}Damn fine woman... Floris. {16184}{16278}I don't know how she puts up with|this speech impediment of mine. {16280}{16388}You don't have|a speech impediment, Dr Lester. {16391}{16481}Flattery will get you|everywhere, my boy. {16483}{16536}I'm afraid have to trust|Floris on that one. {16538}{16596}You see,|she's got her doctorate... {16598}{16662}in speech impedimentology|from Case Western. {16664}{16733}I apologize if you can't understand|a word I'm saying. {16734}{16789}No, I understand perfectly. {16791}{16851}Oh, it's very kind|of you to lie. {16853}{16905}You see, I've been very lonely... {16906}{16995}in my isolated tower|of indecipherable speech. {17113}{17160}You got the job. {17191}{17263}- Any questions?|- Well, just one. {17266}{17328}Why are these ceilings so low? {17330}{17432}Low overhead, my boy!|We pass the savings on to you. {17434}{17518}But seriously,|that'll all be covered in orientation. {18226}{18315}Welcome to|the seven and a half floor|of the Mertin Flemmer Building. {18317}{18381}As you'll now be spending|your work day here, it is important... {18383}{18453}that you learn a bit about the history|of this famous floor. {18455}{18503}- Hello, Don.|- Hello, Wendy. {18505}{18568}Don, I was wondering,|do you know why... {18569}{18622}our workplace|has such low ceilings? {18624}{18721}It's an interesting story.|Many years ago in the late 1800's... {18724}{18803}James Mertin, an I rish ship captain,|came to this town... {18804}{18867}and decided to erect|an office building. {18869}{18946}He called this building the|Mertin Flemmer Building after himself... {18948}{19034}and someone else, who local legend|has it was named Flemmer. {19036}{19118}Well, one day, old Captain Mertin|received an unexpected visitor. {19120}{19208}- Captain Mertin?|- Aye. What want ye, girl child? {19209}{19313}I'm not a child, but rather|an adult lady of miniature proportions. {19315}{19389}I see. Well, if it's|charity you're after... {19391}{19460}be gone with ye,|you foul demon! {19461}{19508}I'm not asking for alms... {19510}{19571}but, rather, the ear of a kind man|with a noble heart. {19573}{19651}Well, speak then, if you must. {19652}{19735}Captain Mertin, I'm afraid hat|the world was not built with me in mind. {19738}{19825}Doorknobs are too high,|chairs are unwieldy... {19826}{19878}and high-ceilinged rooms|mock my stature. {19879}{19976}Why cannot there be a place for me|to work that's safe and comfortable? {19977}{20066}Thy story has moved me like no other. {20068}{20159}Therefore, I shall make ye...|me wife. {20160}{20227}And... And I shall build|a floor for ye... {20228}{20316}between the seventh and the eighth|in me own building... {20319}{20404}so at least there'll be one place|on God's green earth... {20407}{20492}where ye and your accursed kind|can live in peace. {20532}{20600}So that's the story|of even and a half. {20602}{20678}Since the rents are considerably lower,|this floor has been adopted... {20680}{20773}by businesses which,|for one reason or another,|have been forced to cut corners. {20774}{20841}After all, the overhead is low. {21069}{21132}Moving story, huh? {21180}{21254}Unfortunately, the story's bullshit. {21336}{21397}Listen, I'm Craig Schwartz.|I'm just starting out at Lestercorp. {21398}{21446}Where are you starting out? {21571}{21623}Shut up! Shut up! {21627}{21709}- Shut up! Shut up!|- Hey, shut up! {21711}{21771}- Shut up! I'm sorry.|- I'm sorry, honey. {21772}{21820}Sorry, honey. {21822}{21876}Sorry, honey. {21878}{21931}- Shut up!|- Sorry! {21933}{21982}- Help! She's locking me in a cage.|- Isn't that cute? {21984}{22073}- I just taught him that today.|- Yeah, that's adorable. {22129}{22199}- You want to do some dishes for me?|- Put that down. {22201}{22263}Here, Elijah.|Here you go. {22265}{22343}You know, I have an appointment|tomorrow with Elijah's shrink. {22345}{22415}Yeah. I think we're finally|getting down to the bottom... {22417}{22463}of this acid stomach,|aren't we? {22465}{22532}Come here. {22575}{22674}- Just get down from the...|- She thinks that it's|some sort of childhood trauma. {22717}{22803}- Feelings of inadequacy|as a chimp, you know?|- Mm-hmm. {22839}{22895}Careful.|Isn't that interesting? {22897}{22986}- Mm-hmm.|- I find it really interesting. {23099}{23189}So, honey, have you thought any more|about us having a baby? {23233}{23321}Uh... you know,|I think it's just so tough right now... {23323}{23385}- economically and all...|- Mm-hmm. {23387}{23497}that I think maybe we should just wait|and see if this job thing pays off. {23529}{23598}- You know?|- Okay. {23733}{23798}I was thinking about|what you were saying... {23800}{23858}- about the orientation film|being bullshit.|- Yes? {23860}{23926}I think maybe|you're on to something. {23928}{24025}- And 50 other lines|to get into a girl's pants.|- No, no! {24027}{24106}No, I was just talking about the...|you know, about the film. {24108}{24180}Here's the thing. {2...
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