A War of Cynics.pdf

A War of Cynics

Chapter 1.

“It can’t be that bad, lad. Cheer up.”

A man approaching the age of collecting social security was intruding on my

morning solitude. I cannot think of a thing in this world I despise more than small

talk…particularly small talk with strangers in public places. I actually take the

steps up eight floors to my apartment on most days because I’d rather that than

ride an elevator with someone who might strike up a conversation. Even then, I

was listening to music. The earbuds deterred most people from making

conversation with me during my bus ride. But not this guy.

What. The. Fuck.

“You would know, would you?” I snapped. Maybe a little too sharply. It was early.

I hadn’t had my coffee. But what the fuck did this guy presume to know about

my life? Maybe I was dying of a debilitating disease.

Really, I was perfectly happy.

“It’s a beautiful day. A gift from God. The sun is shining. Nothing should stop you

from appreciating that.”

There were so many ways I could’ve responded to this. They all flew through my

head at that moment. But none of them seemed likely to improve either my

morning or his. So instead I just looked down at my shoes and ignored him. I’m

sure this seemed rude. If only he knew I considered it much less rude than his

initial presumptuous remark.

I don’t intend to give off the sulky vibe that apparently people get from me. I

won’t deny being a cynical person. Although I prefer to think of it as discerning.

And really, I revel in it. I enjoy myself. I just don’t get most people. If you’re not

discerning, how do you even realize when something great actually heads your

way? I also don’t get why enjoying solitude is a bad thing. I don’t get why

everyone must not only be constantly up to date on what everyone else is doing,

but also constantly updating everyone on what they’re doing. Most days, I would

like to spend by myself. Soaking up the solitude. When I’m alone in my

apartment, I can walk around in my underwear. I can drink beer in the shower. I

can do whatever the fuck I want. I can think.

This is why I got my own place as soon as I moved out of my parents’ house for

college rather than living on campus. I knew living alone would be like a balm for

my soul. I think I’m just that type of personality. I’ve always needed to be able to

get away from other people. Just the thought of sharing a dorm room with

someone makes me break out in hives.

This is not to say that I hate being around people. I suppose sometimes I hate

being around people. But don’t we all, at some times? Obviously, I’m no social

butterfly, but I had gotten to know some people in college. There had been study

groups and classmates and one guy named Emmett who worked at the coffee

shop near campus. There was also Seth, my occasional drug dealer. He was a

cool fucking guy. I hope he finds some other vocation… eventually. Just

not…immediately.

I was on my way to the first day of classes of my senior year. It was slightly

frustrating because I still felt like I was on a treadmill, running to nowhere. I

didn’t know what I was going to do with myself once I graduated. I wasn’t sure if

there was a point to all of this “higher education.” Sure, I had learned shit. I had

had some incredible professors. Occasionally, classes were really rewarding,

intellectually. But was the goal to stimulate myself intellectually or was the goal

to be able to support myself upon graduation? My first year, I was vehemently

opposed to the latter as an educational philosophy. However, as graduation

approached, I began to see the virtue in this. What the fuck kind of bourgie

attitude is it that we all get to take some four year intellectual romp full of binge

drinking and sex before entering the real world? But I don’t know. Maybe the

truth lies somewhere in between. Or maybe the truth is different for different

people.

Maybe the only real thing I’ve learned in college is that I haven’t learned much of

anything.

“Hey, Hoss. Whassup? Long time, no see.” This was a typical greeting from

Emmett at nine in the morning, behind the counter at the coffee shop. I could

never tell when he was high.

“Yeah, man. Good summer?” I asked.

“Eh. Didn’t get to travel as much as I wanted to, but went camping along the

Trail some.”

“Nice.”

“So what’s your poison?”

“Just coffee. Black.”

“Cool.” It didn’t take long. After handing me my coffee and my change, he said,

“Getting high tonight if you’re interested.”

“Maybe. I’ll be in touch.”

As I walked out of the coffee shop, I realized I hadn’t been around people my age

much for most of the summer. I couldn’t help but notice that many of the girls

were still wearing summer dresses. I loved summer dress season. But it wasn’t a

summer dress that particularly caught my eye that morning. There was a girl

wearing jeans and a plain grey t-shirt walking ahead of me, in the same direction.

She had on a pair of chucks. I would never understand how some girls could pull

off a t-shirt and jeans better than other girls could pull off dresses and push up

bras.

Noticing her wouldn’t have been notable except that she entered the same

classroom I was headed to, so I made a point of sitting in the desk next to her.

Fortunately, class was about to begin and the room was already pretty full, so my

maneuver wasn’t too conspicuous. To my surprise, it worked better than I

thought.

“Race theory, right?” She had leaned over toward me and I looked up to find her

slightly inquisitive eyes looking at me expectantly.

“Hope so. Otherwise we’re both in the wrong place,” I replied.

“Cool.” She slumped back into her seat.

Moments later, the professor walked in and wrote ‘Contemporary Poetry’ on the

blackboard. The girl and I exchanged looks. She rolled her eyes.

“My name is Professor Banner. If you are not here for Contemporary Poetry, you

are in the wrong place.” We both got up and left the classroom. As soon as we

made it into the hallway, she burst out laughing.

“How is it that we both managed to do that and no one else? And of course I ask

the one person in the classroom who doesn’t have a clue,” she laughed.

“You say that as if you did,” I shot back.

“Ha.” She was pulling out her iPhone. “I’ll check my e-mail and see if they sent a

notification that I missed.”

“Those things are handy, huh?”

“Yeah. Best fucking thing that ever happened to me.”

“Really? That’s kind of….sad.”

“Ha. In my experience, the only people who say that are either jealous, ignorant,

or cynical, self-righteous pricks.”

“Guilty.” That got another laugh out of her.

“Which one?”

“Probably all of the above. Except maybe jealousy. Can’t say I want one.”

“Ah, you would if you knew what you were missing,” she assured me.

“Ignorance is bliss, though,” I said. She smiled.

“That it is. …Ah ha! Here it is.”

“Oh? Room change?”

“Yeah. Time change, too. Sucks for you.” With that, she turned on her heel and

left me staring after her. I couldn’t help laughing.

“Touché!” I called after her.

I went to one of the public computers in the lobby on the first floor to check my

email. Turned out, there wasn’t a time change. I was now fifteen minutes late.

Man, I didn’t know who this bitch was, but I was in love with her.

I booked it to room 305. Fortunately, the professor didn’t miss a beat when I

entered. They were all accustomed to tardiness, particularly during the first week

of classes. I quickly scanned the room. There she was, in the back row, with a

smirk on her face as my eyes met hers. I smiled and again took the seat next to

her.

“Funny,” I whispered. She grinned.

“At least I saved you a seat.”

“Right.” Ha. The entire row was empty.

The class was an interesting one, and the professor seemed amped about

teaching it, which was a nice change of pace. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t

eager for it to be over so I could talk to the girl again. When the professor did

finally wrap up, the girl had her iPhone out again.

“A bit of a leash, isn’t it?” I asked.

“Jesus. I can’t believe you’re still talking shit about it!”

“Hey, I got here, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.” She was distracted, though, by whatever she was doing on her phone, so

I started packing up my stuff. I wasn’t sure whether she was being rude or if I

was being like the presumptuous old man on the bus, so extricating myself

seemed like the best option. Then she spoke up. “Sorry. Was double checking

when my next class is.”

“No worries. I know how it is.”

“Really?” She had a skeptical eyebrow raised. I paused and thought about it for a

second.

“No. Not really. I don’t even have a cell phone.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Appalled?”

“Hmmm…I’m not sure. Maybe awed.”

“Ha. The iPhone advocate?” We were walking out of the classroom and down the

hall now.

“Yeah. I mean…I get the whole… ‘the-world-is-too-connected’ thing. But I also

don’t like to take for granted the fact that I’m alive in this great era of

information and technology. I mean, the things this little gadget can do…it’s

amazing. I mean…do you ever think about how Benjamin Franklin would piss

himself if we handed him one of these?”

“Um, no. Actually had not thought about that,” I said. She laughed. We were

nearing the building’s exit now and I realized I still didn’t know her name. “I’m

Edward, by the way.” At this she stopped and raised her eyebrows. She looked

suspicious. Was it really so weird to introduce myself? Man, maybe I do spend too

much time by myself.

“Bella.” She stuck out her hand. I shook it. “Like the way people mispronounce

Béla Fleck.” What? She smiled and again turned on her heel and left me watching

her walk away.

My only other class that day was the music class I needed to fulfill a requirement

for graduation. It dragged. As soon as it was over, I headed to Emmett’s place.

“Hey man! Glad you made it!” He slapped me on the back as I entered the

cluttered apartment. I sank down on the couch and leaned my head against the

back of it. Two of his other vaguely familiar friends were already there, playing a

video game. One of them passed me a joint without looking away from the

screen. I took a long drag before passing it to Emmett, looking up at the ceiling,

and closing my eyes.

“Tough day?” Emmett asked. I liked Emmett. I just wished he wasn’t so keen on

conversation when I was working on a buzz.

“Nah. Not really. Cute girl in my first class, though. That’s about it.”

“Nice.” He took a drag and seemed to take my hint. We were quiet for a long

time after that, passing the joint back and forth occasionally. Eventually,

whatever game the other two were playing ended and they were suddenly aware

of us, to my chagrin.

“Cute girl, huh? You gonna hit that?” asked one of them.

I only opened one eye and looked at him without interest.

“Shut the fuck up, man. You sound like one of those frat dudes.” Emmett

responded. Emmett hated frat guys. More than I did, even.

“Oh, my bad. Will you court the fair maiden?” Tweedle Dee asked as Tweedle

Dum snickered. I didn’t even bother opening one eye at this point.

“Don’t think I’m the courting type,” I deadpanned.

“No shit,” he shot back. They all laughed this time.

“Here I was beginning to think you were asexual,” mused Emmett.

“Nah. I just…who the fuck has time for people, much less girls?”

“Cause girls aren’t people?”

Holy shit, did I have some motherfucking whiplash when I heard that voice

behind me. My high did not prevent me from practically shitting my pants when I

turned around and saw Bella in the doorway to the kitchen. The guys in the room

all groaned as soon as she said it.

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