Secrets Of Total Satisfaction.pdf

SEXPERTISE

This book is meant to increase your knowledge of human

sexuality. Because everyone is different, a physician must diagnose

conditions and supervise the treatment of individual health and

sexuality problems. The information here is designed to help you make

informed choices about your health. It is not intended as a substitute

for any treatment prescribed by your doctor.

Secrets of Total Satisfaction

We believe that an active and healthy sex life, based on mutual

consent and respect between partners, is an important component of

physical and mental well-being. We also respect that sex is a private

matter, and that each person has a different opinion of what sexual

practices or levels of discourse are appropriate. Rodale Press is

committed to offering responsible, practical advice about sexual

matters, supported by accredited professionals and legitimate scientific

research. Our goal-regarding sex and all other topics-is to publish

information that empowers people's lives.

by the editors of MEN'S HEALTH Books

Emmaus, PA 18098.

Third Printing 1998

Becoming a Master

When it comes to the male ego regarding sexual expertise, we all hope

to hear our names attached to some sort of proper tide of prowess: Earl

of Eroticism, Duke of Desire, Lord of the Laying Lambada. (Or maybe

just to hear our women refer to us as studs would be nice.) Problem is,

having a tide of sexual distinction is not a natural born right. To

become a master of anything, you have to learn the art, study the

science. By putting your knowledge together with real-life practice,

you gain invaluable experience. This is what the maestros of

movement, the Don Juans of our day, know to be true.

So here is how we envision you earning your master's degree.

First, you need to prime your body for optimum performance. Sure, it's

important to stay fit and eat healthy; you know that already. That's

why, in the first section of this guide, we give you a few more

applicable pointers from the sex exercise and nutrition experts we

consulted. Now, when we call this section "Basics," we're not talking

about high school sex ed class - no, this is definitely the graduate level

course. But just like any elite athlete, you need to physically prepare

yourself for the performance prior to focusing on technique.

Next, we offer advanced classes in the art of seduction. To be

an unforgettable lover, you need to know where and how to touch her

to get her panting for you. In this section you'll learn how to improve

your foreplay approach, know for certain how to hit the right spots

every time, and romance her with sensual massage.

Finally, to be the best lover she's ever had, you have to know

the rules of lovemaking, the hottest positions, and how to deliver a kiss

that makes her knees buckle. So becoming a sex expert is about dis-

covering the secrets to mutual, complete satisfaction. It's easier than

you think-in fact, it's unbelievably easy - and a heck of a lot more fun

than, say, inorganic chemistry. Now all you have to do to become a

master in your own right is study this manual in preparation for one

delightful test after the next. Happy learning!

Training Your Love Muscles

You already know that with a regular workout routine you can

become trim and toned in no time. This is the first step toward actually

getting sex. (A nice car and a powerful deodorant help, too.) When

you keep your body in shape, your energy is up, as is your libido. Now

it's time for some "love muscle" training.

Unless you know some sexual positions the rest of us haven't

heard of, bulging neck muscles aren’t going to make a whole world of

difference between the sheets. You need to add some exercises and

stretches that target the parts of the body called into play during

lovemaking. The following moves will help boost your performance

when the time is right.

Cramp-Proof Calves

For your legs, the issue is flexibility, not

strength. During orgasm, men sometimes overflex

their calf muscles. "Didn’t you ever get a knot in

one of your calves during sex?" asks Eric Gron-

bech, Ph.D., a professor of physical education at

Chicago State University, who studies the link

between fitness and libido. Either of the following

two stretches will help.

Classic runner's stretch. Stand about 4

feet from a wall. Shift one leg forward about 8

inches, bending it at the knee, while keeping the

back leg straight. Now reach out and rest your hands against the wall

at about chest height, leaning into it as you keep your back leg straight,

heel flat on the floor. As you lean forward, you should feel the stretch

in your back leg, from your heel to the back of your knee. Hold the

position for a count of 20, then relax, switch legs, and repeat.

Bedtime calf stretch . Lie flat on your back on the bed with

one leg bent, foot flat against the mattress. Straighten the opposite leg

To get

through an

evening-long

lovemaking

session, what

you need first

and foremost

is stamina.

and raise it as far as you can until it's pointing at the ceiling. Hold the

leg steady and exhale as you slowly flex your foot, aiming your toes

down toward your chest. Hold the stretch, relax, then lower your leg

and repeat with the other one. Complete this stretch three times.

extend them behind your head as far as you can, still keeping your

wrists crossed. Your elbows should be behind your ears. Hold the

stretch for a count of 10, then relax. Repeat three times.

Back Bracers

"It's not uncommon for men to get severe muscle spasms

during sex," says Mitch Bogdanffy, exercise physiologist at the Texas

Back Institute in Plano. Sex can be hard work. It feels better than

busting up concrete, but your back muscles don't know the difference.

Sex related backaches are especially common when you're near

climax, the point of maximum muscle tension.

Bogdanffy recommends a hot bath or shower before sex to

increase bloodflow to your lower back. Although not exactly con-

ducive to spontaneous sex, doing a few stretches before you get into

bed (or wherever) might help.

Back stretch. Lie on your back and slowly bring your knees to

your chest. Grab your knees and hold them against your chest for a

few breaths, relaxing throughout the movement.

One garden-variety type of back pain occurs when the disks

between your vertebrae are squashed from the everyday stresses and

strains your body is putting on them. The disks can expand and touch

nerve endings, resulting in a backache. What to do: Elevate your legs

for 10 to 15 minutes. Try lying down on the floor with your feet

propped up on the seat of a chair. This position will take the pressure

off the sciatic nerve and relax those hot twinges of minor backache.

Remember, the woman-on-top and side-to-side sexual

positions are your best bets for having sex without suffering.

High-Performance Hips and Groin

Don't forget to hit below the belt. As the key

pivot point in the thrusting motion, your hip joint and

the muscles that support it must remain flexible.

Butterfly stretch. To loosen the groin, lie flat

on your back in bed with both legs bent, feet flat on the

mattress. Reach down and pull your heels toward your

buttocks. Now, using your hands to guide them, turn

your ankles so the soles and heels of your feet touch

together. Your knees will angle out to the sides.

Exhale. Let the natural weight of your legs push your

knees toward the bed. When your knees are as far apart

as possible, hold the stretch for a count of 10.

Hip stretch. Lie flat on your back with your

legs dangling off the end of the bed. Pull one knee toward your chest,

locking your hands over your upper shin. Inhale and pull the knee

closer. Hold the stretch for a count of 10, relax, and repeat with your

other leg. Complete this exercise three times.

Ship-Shape Shoulders

Most people associate shoulder injuries with such activities as

hurling baseballs and breaking down doors. But sex takes its toll.

"Especially in the missionary position, when the man tries to support

his weight on his elbows," says Dr. Gronbech. "All that stress ends up

in the shoulders."

Shoulder stretch . Sit up in bed, hold your arms above your

head, and cross your wrists. While inhaling, straighten your arms and

Brave Heart

To get through an evening-long lovemaking session, what you

need first and foremost is stamina. Unlike in most full-contact sports,

you can't call timeout during lovemaking while the team trainer

administers oxygen. To build endurance, your best bet is low-impact

Sex can be

hard

work. It

feels better

than

busting up

concrete,

but your

back mus-

cles don't

know the

difference.

aerobic exercise. Go for three sessions a week of 20 to 30 minutes

each. Swimming, stair-climbing, rowing, and running are all fine

options.

In addition to building stamina, there's another benefit to

aerobic exercise: A growing body of research indicates that several

different forms of intense aerobic exercise may powerfully enhance a

man's sex drive. In a study out of the University of California in San

Diego, a group of healthy but inactive middle-aged men undertook a

nine-month exercise program. They worked into it gradually, but by

the sixth month the men were doing sustained aerobic exercise

(pushing their hearts up to 75 to 80 percent of their maximum aerobic

capacity) for a full hour at least three times a week. For comparison,

another group of men walked at a moderate pace instead of adopting

the more intense exercise.

According to detailed diaries kept by the men in both groups,

those in the intense-exercise group reported a 30 percent increase in

their frequency of intercourse, a 26 percent increase in the frequency

of orgasms, and a 50 percent increase in the frequency of

masturbation.

One note of caution: If cycling's your choice for an aerobic

workout, keep in mind that it could affect your equipment. Too much

cycling can compress the nerves under the penis, called the pudendal

nerves. The result can be numbness, and repeated episodes can lead to

reduced sensation and, in extreme cases, impotence.

Solving the problem may be as simple as adjusting the position

of your seat. For example, if you cycle with the tip of your seat

pointing upward, change it so it's exactly level for a while (or at no

more than a 5-degree incline). Also make sure your seat itself isn’t set

too high. A wider saddle may help. Or ask your local bike shop about

anatomical saddles or some form of extra cushioning.

IS SHE REALLY INTERESTED?

Before you get to foreplay, you've got to know if you're even

on the playing field with your subject of interest. Do you make the

move, or drop back 8 yards and punt? Here are some tips to help you

decipher her signals.

Eye contact. It's generally a good sign if a woman actually

looks at you when she speaks-much better than if she stares

unblinkingly at her fingernails or her shoes and mumbles. Two people

conversing look at each other about 60 percent of the time, according

to Michael Argyle in his book Bodily Communication . So if you catch

her looking at you more than that 60 percent of the time, chances are

she's more interested in you than in what you're saying.

Smiling. A broad smile is a sign of real enjoyment. But be on

the lookout for a smile that shows only the upper teeth. It's a polite

smile-or one that shows a woman is uncomfortable.

Movement. A woman who shifts her body around as she

speaks to you may be sending a message. "Movement attracts

attention," says Colleen, a 35-yearold legislative assistant. "If I'm

adjusting my posture, it means I'm attracted." She might, she says,

"even roll [her] hips a little" if she's talking to you.

Leaning toward you. Leaning in, tilting her head to one side,

speaking in a softer voice-these all may indicate interest.

Giggling. Laughing in a charming, feminine way is a positive.

On the other hand, if she lets out a guffaw, it probably means she just

wants to be considered one of the guys.

Flushed face. That's a good sign, because your bloodflow

increases when you're attracted to someone. "Her pupils may dilate,

too," says Judee Burgoon, Ph.D., professor of communication at the

University of Arizona in Tucson. But, she cautions, pupils also dilate

when you're hungry, so make sure she's thinking beefcake, not

hamburger.

Touching you. Julius Fast, author of Body Language, says

women sometimes touch men during conversation. Laying a hand on a

shoulder or forearm, or playing with a tie-both are flirtatious signs of

interest.

Touching herself. If she's flipping her hair, fixing her clothes,

playing with jewelry-those are all positive signs. "She may affect a

gesture in which one hand touches her breast in a near caress. She may

stroke her thighs as she talks," says Fast. That's the basic lexicon of

body talk.

You Are What You Eat (or Drink …)

A healthy diet goes hand in hand with regular exercise to help

ensure that when you're ready, you'll get optimum performance from

all your parts. Avoid big-time fat and cholesterol (as in egg yolks).

Anything that will, over time, clog up the plumbing of life will clog up

the plumbing of love. If circulation is hampered by fat deposits in your

blood vessels, your penis won't get as much blood, either, and you

could have erection or sensation problems. Following are a few more

performance basics to keep in mind.

Go ahead and enjoy your coffee . Over the years a vast array

of studies have explored the connection between caffeine, sex, and

reproduction. Researchers have looked into whether caffeine causes

birth defects or increases the risk of breast cancer. And for the most

part, your steaming cup of java has been cleared of reproductive

wrongdoing, as long as you drink only a cup or two.

But what about sexual performance? Another group of studies

has shown that caffeine can deliver a performance-boosting jolt to

sperm cells, increasing both their velocity (speed) and motility (live-

liness). But don't imagine that Folger's Mountain Grown will become

the next fertility drug-in these studies, massive amounts of caffeine

were applied directly to semen samples wriggling in Petri dishes.

Practically speaking, the only value of this finding is to suggest a way

of improving the chances of in vitro fertilization.

Go easy on the booze . Alcohol has its sexual ups and downs,

most of them downs. For one, it's the greatest performance-squelcher

of all. After two, maybe three glasses of wine, your skill curve begins

to plummet like a mud hen hit by a Sidewinder. A general rule of

thumb is that the a-mount of alcohol it takes to affect your driving (for

an average-size man, anything more than two drinks in an hour) will

also affect your libido. On the other hand, one glass of champagne by

candlelight, with some moody piano concerto in the background, could

mist her eyes with passion, and she may end up racing you to the

bedroom. The tiny bubbles can work magic, but remember, you don't

want to be anesthetized for sex.

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