{821}{893}DEAD TIRED {1131}{1175}He was neurotic.|High-strung. {1274}{1357}He seemed lost. {1437}{1516}If I remember correctly,|it began a year ago. {1550}{1606}Good morning, sir.|Police. {1608}{1676}Detective Gaffier.|Are you Michel Blanc? {1678}{1756}- Yeah, that's me. Why?|- We need to talk. {1758}{1808}You woke me up.|What is it? {1810}{1870}Can we come in? {1872}{1918}Sure, come in. {2012}{2045}Is thatJosiane Balasko? {2073}{2148}Good actress.|I hear she's a dyke. {2150}{2217}Not at all. {2219}{2287}My brother-in-law|in the Vice Squad says so. {2289}{2326}That's Dutronc! {2328}{2425}A taxi driver claims|you didn't pay him. {2427}{2537}You wanted to score a whore|before a guest-spot on TV. {2539}{2627}He found you one and waited,|but you never came back. {2629}{2675}That's ridiculous. {2677}{2779}We thought you were a fag|ever since you played a drag queen. {2782}{2834}What movie was it?|Menage. {2837}{2875}Listen... {2878}{2915}I didn't take a taxi. {2918}{2989}Yesterday I was in bed|writing for Carole Bouquet. {2992}{3027}- With her?|- Alone. {3030}{3133}I haven't done whores since '77.|So you're mistaken. {3514}{3549}Michel? {3861}{3899}Mr. Blanc, may I help you? {3902}{3944}You have a suite for me. {3947}{3993}Let me have a look. {3996}{4039}One second, please. {4042}{4118}Can I have an autograph?|Make it out to "Pooh Bear." {4144}{4204}I'm sorry,|but you're not listed. {4207}{4279}- What the hell?|- I'm very sorry. {4282}{4338}Can I have another?|For Fifi. {4341}{4394}Call the Festival.|It's their problem. {4397}{4439}How about a picture? {4442}{4478}Go get Gilles Jacob. {4481}{4516}Fifi's turn. {4519}{4583}Stop busting my balls!|Beat it! {4586}{4652}Asshole.|I'll stop watching you on TV. {4655}{4715}Come on,|there are plenty of others. {4718}{4807}- Mr. Jacob, there's a problem.|- Bad timing. {4810}{4877}Michel,|I thought you couldn't come. {4880}{4935}- Who said so?|- Your agent. Last week. {4938}{5022}- This is insane!|- He said you weren't free. {5025}{5095}What do I do now?|Sleep on the beach? {5098}{5141}I assume you're booked? {5144}{5206}Mr. Depardieu|went wine-tasting in Bulgaria... {5209}{5258}but he left his clothes here. {5261}{5315}- Then give me his suite.|- It's rather delicate. {5318}{5360}Why? Gerard wouldn't care! {5363}{5399}If Mr. Jacob... {5402}{5463}We have no choice.|I'll see you later. {5466}{5501}Yeah, later... {5504}{5541}Room 106. {5589}{5661}Change the sheets.|With Depardieu, you never know. {5865}{5904}And her room number? {5907}{5942}Okay. {5996}{6038}Uncork it. {6205}{6247}I signed Depardieu.|He knows. {6250}{6286}Very good, sir. {6376}{6419}Hello, Mathilda? {6422}{6462}Michel Blanc here. {6465}{6507}What's up? {6510}{6555}I just got in. {6558}{6602}You're all alone? {6605}{6651}Are you busy? {6671}{6762}I'd like to discuss|my new screenplay with you. {6765}{6843}I'm in the middle of writing it. {6845}{6893}I'll be right there. {6951}{6992}What are you doing? {6994}{7041}Michel Blanc|is fucking Mathilda May. {7043}{7083}You're sick! {7085}{7136}You know I'm seeing someone! {7138}{7210}- You can still relax.|- I relax with him. {7212}{7270}He's not here.|Are you frigid? {7272}{7305}Stop! {7340}{7407}Listen...|don't get upset. {7409}{7457}You never turned me on. {7492}{7563}You're pretty weird.|Your loss. {7640}{7666}Michel! {7668}{7744}How are you?|I didn't know you were in Cannes. {7746}{7804}I have a screenplay for you. {7806}{7853}Do you have a minute? {7855}{7898}- Now?|- It's urgent. {7900}{7960}Hi, Michel. How are you? {7962}{8008}You're here too? {8010}{8056}I don't want to bother you. {8058}{8093}You're no bother. {8095}{8153}My timing's off.|I'll come back. {8214}{8256}- Don't touch me.|- Are you sure? {8258}{8304}Positive. Stop it! {8306}{8353}Or you'll slap me? {8355}{8408}Stop! {8410}{8493}You've let me down, kid.|That was low. {8522}{8577}You've never acted this way. {8610}{8665}I'm going through|a minor depression. {8667}{8696}I'm lonely. {8714}{8772}When I wake up,|I feel like crying. {8798}{8859}As I was staring at my balcony... {8861}{8922}I thought I should jump. {8924}{8995}If I'm lucky,|I'll land on a Rolls Royce. {8997}{9052}I've always liked English cars. {9070}{9115}You have no girlfriend? {9117}{9198}She left me for Patrick Bruel. {9200}{9239}I didn't know. {9261}{9313}I'm sorry I slapped you. {9315}{9376}Forget about it. {9378}{9474}I have a lump in my throat.|Do you have any champagne? {9476}{9539}A few Valium|and I'll feel better. {9541}{9585}I'll go look. {9744}{9783}I have half-bottles. {9785}{9831}Fine. Give me two. {10054}{10126}The winners will go home with... {10128}{10234}Miss Festival's breasts' weight|in videocassettes! {10305}{10358}There's more! {10360}{10437}The cassettes are signed|by Michel Blanc! {10546}{10642}It's time to ask Michel Blanc... {10644}{10718}to come on stage with his verdict. {10720}{10777}A warm round of applause! {11042}{11107}Quiet or this will take forever. {11110}{11153}I'll go backwards. {11156}{11209}Last runner-up: Nadine. {11335}{11392}20,000 in cash.|Count it. {11395}{11440}How about my dinner? {11443}{11472}You were late. {11475}{11562}I ate at the Carlton.|Can you reimburse me? {11588}{11630}500 francs? {11633}{11720}It cost more.|The Carlton is pricey. {11723}{11782}But if that's all you can do... {11853}{11924}I love it.|How can I thank you? {11927}{11993}If you have a second,|we'll find a way, Karine. {11996}{12059}It's Karine, right? {12062}{12118}- Where is it?|- Not far. You'll see. {12121}{12181}You wanna be in pictures? {12184}{12243}He sent me a script.|It wasn't bad. {12246}{12328}Then Emmanuelle Beart said|he'd given her the role. {12331}{12422}I wanted to see Michel|and discuss it... calmly. {12655}{12733}Dirty bastard!|I'll blast your brains out! {12942}{12988}- Cut!|- Clapper. {12991}{13060}- Perfect, Carole.|- Thank you. {13063}{13116}See you tomorrow. {13119}{13171}The gun! {13174}{13234}- How are you?|- That depends. {13237}{13299}Drive me home.|We'll talk on the way. {13401}{13456}I have to ask you something. {13459}{13532}Did you offer the role|only to me? {13535}{13582}Of course. Why? {13585}{13679}Emmanuelle Beart claims|you offered it to her at Cannes. {13682}{13746}At Cannes?|I didn't go this year. {14356}{14396}You recognize me? {14429}{14476}No, I'm sorry. {14479}{14540}Last week... Chez Denise. {14543}{14573}Get my drift? {14576}{14660}Not at all.|I don't know Denise. {14663}{14727}The kinky night spot.|Nearby. {14749}{14811}My wife is Kathy.|The blue G-string. {14855}{14908}That doesn't ring a bell. {14911}{14946}Aren't you Michel Blanc? {14949}{14987}Yes, but you're mistaken. {14990}{15052}Now I get it. {15055}{15126}After the orgy,|it's the cold shoulder. {15163}{15231}The next time,|even if it's Mickey Rourke... {15233}{15304}he won't fuck my wife! {15351}{15424}I never saw him.|I'm sorry, Carole. {15426}{15532}Relax, Michel. I'm discreet.|I won't tell a soul. {15560}{15605}I don't go to those places. {15631}{15707}It's your private life.|Take a right. {15946}{15980}Good-bye. {16070}{16169}Finish your screenplay|and forget those seedy night spots. {16171}{16211}Seriously, Carole... {16213}{16266}Relax. I was just kidding. {16299}{16340}He called at 2:00 a.m. {16342}{16425}Not about Carole. {16427}{16486}He said: "Let's go to Regine's|and have a drink." {16564}{16614}I felt something was fishy. {17018}{17053}You again. {17055}{17110}I said if you came back,|I'd clobber you. {17112}{17148}Here you go. {17167}{17216}What the hell?|Are you crazy? {17218}{17269}- You're deranged.|- I warned you. {17271}{17323}I'll forget what I saw... {17325}{17371}but steer clear of me. {17417}{17490}What is this? Candid Camera? {17595}{17681}My son never tells me anything. {17683}{17719}You just don't listen. {17721}{17773}Soon I guessed|something was wrong. {17775}{17820}I bet you did. {17922}{18011}I'm glad to see you.|I have to take a leak. {18013}{18041}What is it, Dad? {18043}{18106}- I brought the rabbit pate.|- What pate? {18108}{18175}What you asked Mom for.|Open up fast. {18177}{18224}I never asked Mom for anything! {18226}{18275}Take the pate and shut up. {18335}{18389}What should I do with all this? {18391}{18469}What do you do with pate?|Deodorize toilets? {18471}{18514}I never eat here. {18516}{18589}You prefer wasting money|in restaurants. {18591}{18657}Easy come, easy go. {18721}{18769}By the way... {18771}{18829}you didn't fix the toilet yet. {18831}{18875}I forgot to call the plumber. {18877}{18952}The plumber?|He'll ask for 500 francs! {18954}{19005}I'm too busy to do it myself. {19007}{19052}Where's the toolbox? {19054}{19131}I have a dinner tonight.|I'll do it tomorrow. {19133}{19193}No, you won't.|Where's the toolbox? {19195}{19249}I don't have one.|Why should I? {19251}{19312}- To fix the toilet.|- Well, I don't. {19315}{19357}A fork will do. {19360}{19441}Unless you don't have any,|since you never eat here. {19444}{19527}Come on,|put the pate in the fridge. {19657}{19701}When did I ask for this? {19704}{19745}Last week... {19748}{19812}when you bumped into her. {19815}{19879}You're losing your memory. {19903}{19955}Do you have a nutcracker? {19958}{20018}Look in there. {20021}{20088}- Last week?|- Yeah, last week. {20091}{20141}You need some rest. {20144}{20225}Your mother said|you were acting funny. {20228}{20329}You didn't even recognize her.|She had to run after you. {20332}{20411}If you ask me,|you need a nice little lady. {20414}{20488}Instead of trying to diddle|the entire Top 50. {20519}{20599}Pour me a glass of wine.|Make yourself useful. {20646}{20709}Something's fishy. {20712}{20751}Pret...
Merlin-Ka