Choices by bandmum.pdf

Choices by bandmum

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4996891/1/

Chapter 1

EPOV

Edward Cullen knew he had two choices: resist the call of the new girl's blood and

leave Forks, Washington, possibly for good, or take what he so desperately

desired and kill her. Either way, he couldn't stay. His mind shifted through both

possibilities as his fingers clutched the steering wheel of the speeding silver

Volvo. His four siblings were quiet, though their anxious thoughts bombarded him

with questions. He fervently wished he couldn't hear their thoughts the way he

somehow couldn't hear hers. The girl had walked into their high school Biology

class and sat next to him. Since the moment he had breathed in her incredibly

potent scent, he had known no peace, and it was a sheer miracle that she was

still alive.

Petite Alice turned to him, surprise in her eyes, accusation in her voice. "You're

leaving?"

"Am I?" he growled as he glanced at her next to him. Edward watched as a pre-

cognitive vision unfolded in her mind; flashes of green forest, a kitchen with

yellow cabinets. A young girl with long brown hair pooled beneath her was lying

cold, bloodless and very dead.

"No." Alice breathed in horror.

Edward growled in his chest, and the vision shifted. The same girl was older now,

her hair in a shorter style. She was sitting in a restaurant with a dark young man,

smiling at him. The vision shimmered and disappeared. Alice's eyes came back

into focus as she glanced at Edward. His angelic features were twisted into a

grimace as he battled with his inner demon.

"Will you come back soon?" Alice whispered. The others in the car stared between

them, bewildered.

Burly Emmett spoke, "What's going on? Why are you leaving? C'mon you guys,

you know we hate it when you do that silent convo crap. Let us in on it!"

"Jasper? What's wrong? " Lovely Rosalie stared at her blonde brother beside her

in the back seat, his handsome face contorted in distress, eyes closed.

"Edward's in a lot of pain," he said slowly. "I'm feeling confusion, anger and

tremendous thirst coming from him." Jasper took a deep breath and his face

cleared a little, though his brow furrowed in concentration.

Of all of the vampires in the Cullen clan, Jasper was the most recently converted

to the family's lifestyle. Human blood still smelled much too good to him. The rest

of the family had adjusted well over the years to Carlisle Cullen's way of life. They

hunted animals now, large game as they could get it, allowing them all to co-exist

with the human world. Carlisle himself had been a 'vegetarian' the longest. At

over 350 years old, he had disciplined his thirst so well that he was able to

function as a highly-skilled surgeon, routinely repairing broken bodies in the ER of

the local hospital. He and his beautiful wife, Esme, loved their 'adopted' children

very much. This love and the loyalty it engendered made the family very close.

The fact that six of them were mated pairs added another layer to the family

dynamic, but rarely caused any real discord. Though none of them were truly

related, what they were and the lifestyle they practiced combined to make them

look somewhat alike. All were very pale, elegant and beautiful. Their skin was

cold and hard as stone, though they each moved with an unearthly grace. But the

most distinctive feature of the family, the one that marked the difference

between themselves and others of their kind, was their eyes. Crimson irises were

evidence of a diet of human blood- feeding on animals made the Cullens' eyes

golden in color, ranging from honey to butterscotch, to deepest black when they

needed to hunt.

Jasper needed to hunt, and soon. The emotions washing over him from Edward

were almost overwhelming, so he had tried sending back feelings of his own.

Edward felt a wave of calm push towards him from behind, calm tinged with

sympathy. Edward sighed. His grip on the steering wheel loosened slightly but his

foot remained firmly on the accelerator as they sped towards home.

"Would someone please exp-," Emmett started again, but Edward cut him off.

"Alice will tell you. I need to see Carlisle." Edward was ashamed he was running

from the girl. Ashamed that her scent had almost made him kill her. Ashamed

that he didn't trust himself even now not to go back and find her. He couldn't face

the looks his family would give him once they knew, not yet.

"Drop us off and go,' Alice said, never taking her eyes from Edward's perfect face.

Though the Cullens lived a good way out from town, Edward's anxiety coupled

with his usual fast driving had already brought them to the almost invisible

opening in the forest which marked the entrance to their driveway. Jasper,

Rosalie and Emmett climbed from the back seat, dismay and questions in their

eyes and thoughts. The Volvo's engine purred as Edward stared at his hands on

the wheel, not daring to look at them, afraid of the pity and bewilderment he

would see in their faces.

Alice lingered a moment, her hand on Edward's sleeve. 'Call me when you get to

Denali,' she thought, love and concern in her eyes. 'I'll miss you.'

Edward tore his eyes from his hands to look at his pixie-like sister. A wry crooked

grin tried to form on his lips but died before it ever reached his dark eyes. He

glanced down at his arm and placed his left hand over hers. He sat for a moment,

listening to her newest vision. It was the restaurant again, slightly more definite

and focused than it had been before. The girl was twirling a piece of her hair in

her slender fingers, a delicate ring sparkling on her left hand as she gazed at the

young man, his handsome Native American features beaming at her in return.

Edward closed his eyes and sighed. Alice leaned forward and kissed him on the

forehead. 'Carlisle's not going to be very busy for at least a couple of hours. Go

talk to him.' She squeezed her brother's arm and turned to get out of the car.

"Alice," Edward called. She looked back, one foot still in the car. Edward pinched

the bridge of his nose with his cold fingers, eyes still squeezed shut. Then he

opened them as his hand dropped to his lap. "Thank you. I'll miss you, too."

Alice gave him a tiny smile as she stepped back and closed the car door. The four

siblings watched as Edward gunned the car, spun it in a rapid u-turn, and

disappeared back the way they had come.

Emmett glared at Alice. "Well?"

"I'll tell you on the way," she said as she turned into the forest beside the drive.

The others followed, melting silently into the woods as they ran towards their

house.

Edward watched Tanya stride away into the snowy night. He knew she was angry

and frustrated with him, but there wasn't anything he could do about it, nor did

he particularly want to. When the Cullens had visited the Alaskan coven of sisters

on other occasions, the exquisite Tanya had merely made him uncomfortable with

her attentions. This time, though, he had arrived alone and she had gone all out.

The past few days she had been an additional torment to his already shredded

nerves. She had stalked him ruthlessly, practically disrobing in front of him last

night before he had managed to close his bedroom door on her. She had cursed

as she heard the lock turn before storming away.

He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but she just didn't get it. He was not

interested. At all. He had run here seeking solace from his anguish, not sex. The

beautiful strawberry-blonde had tried her best to distract him as only she could,

but he had never accepted her advances before, and this time was no different.

Actually, it was different, in that no matter what he did, he could only see the

confused face and deep brown eyes of a human girl before him.

Edward threw his head back against the trunk of the tree he was sitting under,

causing a small shower of snow to dislodge and land on his face. He shook it from

his eyes and untidy bronze hair.

Groaning with annoyance, he stood up, stuffed his hands in his pockets and

started walking in the opposite direction from the one that Tanya had taken. He

tried to think about what she had said to him, the words of comfort she had used,

but the lascivious thoughts she had been having at the time had shouted vulgarly

over what she had been saying. Damn succubus. He grimaced inwardly at how

much energy she put into trying to seduce him each time he came to Denali.

Of the other vampires Edward had met, this was the only other 'vegetarian'

family he knew. Kate, Irina and Tanya were succubae, but they enjoyed human

men too much to kill them. While Carlisle thought that the sisters' interaction

with humans was humorous, he nevertheless was pleased to know that his family

was not alone in their respect for mortals.

Carlisle. Edward frowned again and sighed. He was going to have to call Carlisle

soon and give him his decision.

The moon was glinting through the trees as Edward stepped out onto a rocky

outcropping, farther up this mountain than he had wandered before. The stars

twinkled down at him, their constellations splashed and spangled across the

heavens. He frowned again and blinked, but their sparkling beauty was dispelled

by a pair of wide brown eyes. Edward cursed softly and crouched down on his

heels, his cold fingers mindlessly worrying some rocks at his feet.

Nothing was working. He couldn't get her face out of his head. He sighed again as

he looked up at the exquisite diamond sky. He was a coward. He hated being a

coward but he couldn't go back and risk harming that girl. He winced at the face

again. It still wore the look she had given him in Biology class when she saw the

frightening expression on his own face. Confusion, anger and fear had all been

written on her small features. He hung his head and ran his hand through his

hair. Bella. Her name was Bella.

Edward picked up a stone near his foot and stood up, facing a steep slope to his

left. He drew back his arm and flung the rock into the darkness. Momentarily he

was stung with the thought that he might accidentally hit an animal, but the loud

crack that echoed back assured him that he had only hit a tree. A creaking noise

reached his sensitive ears, groaning louder as the tree he had hit succumbed to

the missing chunk the rock had taken from its trunk. A rending of wood and

swishing of snow-laden branches ripped the night as the tree overbalanced, and

then tore in two. The silence that followed was deafening.

Edward chuckled humorlessly. 'If a tree falls in the forest…' his thought began but

never concluded. The pained brown eyes continued to accuse him. He groaned

aloud.

Why? Who was she? Why couldn't he hear her thoughts when everyone else's

were so very plain? Why was the scent of her blood so incredibly sweet, so

mouth-wateringly delicious that it had taken every ounce of his strength not to

kill her as she sat there next to him? Why did she come to Forks and disrupt his

perfectly fine, content existence? He stopped. His existence. That was all it was.

Not a life. Only the living have a life. But he had been happy with his family…

hadn't he?

Edward looked up at the moon, swallowing the venom that filled his mouth at the

memory of her scent. Coward. Her eyes swam in his vision. No. Monster. That

was what he really was. A monster who had killed humans, though it was long

ago and the ones he had hunted had once themselves been hunters of the

innocent. It didn't matter. He had lived so long with Carlisle that he had become

complacent. He had been too sure of himself, overconfident in his ability to resist

the lure of the blood racing in the veins of the humans who had surrounded him

daily for decades.

Then she came; one small girl with a scent that had all but knocked him out of

his seat. He still wasn't sure how he had managed not to kill a classroom full of

children just so he could crush her to his lips and drink what must be the most

divine ambrosia…

A small sound bored through his tangled thoughts and Edward froze. He realized

he was on his knees with his head in his hands, but he didn't know when he had

collapsed. The noise came again and he slowly looked up. A bear was padding

softly across the slope below him, heading back to its den after an evening snack.

Edward grinned to himself, thinking of his brother, Emmett, and his fondness for

grizzly. This was a Kodiak, and would be just as tasty.

He inhaled deeply, the bear's scent swirling towards him in the frigid air,

inflaming the thirst he already felt from the memory of the girl. Edward shifted

into a crouch, and then silently launched himself in front of the bear.

The startled animal reared back and growled, then roared in pain as Edward's

scalpel-like teeth ripped into its throat.

Together vampire and prey crashed to the ground, the bear trying desperately to

dislodge its attacker, the hunter clinging with superhuman strength to his victim.

Splashes of red stained the snow from their struggle, but it didn't last long. The

bear soon stopped fighting, and then stopped moving altogether. The only sound

was the wind in the tops of the trees and a small greedy wet sucking.

Edward sat back on his haunches and licked a smear of blood from his fingers. He

grabbed a handful of snow from the ground next to the bear's still paw and

washed his face with its icy wetness. Standing up, he looked down at the remains

of the animal. For several long moments he contemplated the life he had just

taken and his own unnatural place in the food chain. Again, a pair of soft brown

eyes swam before him, confused and hurt. Frustration and anger at his own

weakness ripped through him. He threw his head back and a primal scream tore

from his throat.

Monster. He sounded like one. He acted like one. He was one. Either that or he

was a coward. Emotion shuddered through his body as an internal battle raged

within him, his selfishness at war with his conscience. To go back was to release

the monster. The girl would die. To stay away would tear his family apart and the

coward in him hated that the monster was forcing this choice. No, not the

monster; the girl. Bella. She was forcing him!

Edward's anguish slowly receded as his conscience attained the upper hand and

logic regained control of his thoughts. He knew it really wasn't her fault. She had

no way of knowing that she had walked into a school which held five vampires,

one of whom was being driven insane by the scent of her luscious blood. It wasn't

her fault at all, which was why he had left. She was innocent; it was his own

bloodlust which demanded to be sated.

He couldn't hurt her. It would disappoint Carlisle and anger the others because

they would have to move. Again. Nor could he justify taking away her life merely

to satisfy his own demonic thirst. She didn't deserve to die, and he couldn't let

the monster win.

Alice's two visions played through his mind for the thousandth time: the girl, cold,

with dead lifeless eyes. That was what he so feared. Then he saw the other vision

that had sharpened as he decided to leave, the one of the girl and her handsome

suitor, full of life and hope. Edward closed his eyes. The vision dissolved into her

face again. Once more the look of hurt and confusion assaulted him. He just

couldn't do it. He couldn't be responsible for destroying her, destroying not only

her life but her happiness and that of her chosen young man. Edward's eyes flew

open as a new thought struck him.

Choice. That was what it all came down to. He had chosen not to kill her. He had

chosen to leave. Now he could choose to not return. The choice was his and he

would make it. Carlisle would understand. Esme would mourn the loss of her

eldest son from the family, but one day, when the Cullens had resettled

elsewhere, perhaps he could rejoin them. He would miss Emmett's teasing and

Jasper's sharp intellect. His brothers were dear to him. Rosalie, well, he would

miss her, also. She was handy with a car engine, and truly loved Emmett, which

made Edward smile. A frown creased his brow as he thought of Alice, sweet,

clairvoyant Alice. He would miss her most. Thankfully she had Jasper, who would

be able to calm and comfort her as no one else could.

Edward sighed again. He didn't actually need to breathe, but sighing was a

human habit he had never been able to shake. His eyes were clouded by the face

of the girl again. This time, he stared back into her warm brown eyes, willing her

to leave him alone; he wasn't coming back, he wasn't going to hurt her. Her eyes

never relinquished their accusations.

A small electronic chirp erupted from his pants pocket. Edward frowned and

glanced at the silver phone's display before he answered. "Hello, Carlisle," he

said, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

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