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Bully!

Mike Resnick

A DF Books NERDs Release

First published in Axolotl Press, 1990

ISBN 1-930936-49-4

The date was January 8, 1910.

* * * *

"At midnight we had stopped at the station of Koba, where we were warmly received

by the district commissioner, and where we met half a dozen of the professional

elephant hunters, who for the most part make their money, at hazard of their lives, by

poaching ivory in the Congo. They are a hard-bit set, these elephant poachers; there

are few careers more adventurous, or fraught with more peril, or which make heavier

demands upon the daring, the endurance, and the physical hardihood of those who

follow them. Elephant hunters face death at every turn, from fever, from the assaults

of warlike native tribes, from their conflicts with their giant quarry; and the unending

strain on their health and strength is tremendous."

— Theodore Roosevelt, AFRICAN GAME TRAILS

"...When we were all assembled in my tent and champagne had been served out to

everyone except Roosevelt—who insisted on drinking non-intoxicants, though his son

Kermit joined us—he raised his glass and gave the toast ‘To the Elephant Poachers

of the Lado Enclave.’ As we drank with him one or two of us laughingly protested his

bluntness, so he gravely amended his toast to ‘The Gentleman Adventurers of Central

Africa', ‘for,’ he added, ‘that is the title by which you would have been known in

Queen Elizabeth's time.'

"A real man, with the true outdoor spirit, the ex-President's sympathy with and real

envy of the life we were leading grew visibly as the evening advanced; and he finally

left us with evident reluctance. I, for one, was shaken by the hand three times as he

made for the door on three separate occasions; but each time, after hesitatingly

listening to the beginning of some new adventure by one of the boys, he again sat

down to hear another page from our every-day life. We even urged him to chuck all

his political work and come out like the great white man he was, and join us. If he

would do this, we promised to put a force under his command to organize the hunting

and pioneering business of Central Africa, and perhaps make history. He was, I

believe, deeply moved by this offer; and long afterwards he told a friend that no

honor ever paid him had impressed and tempted him like that which he received from

the poachers of the Lado Enclave."

—John Boyes, COMPANY OF ADVENTURERS

* * * *

Roosevelt walked to the door of the tent, then paused and turned back to face Boyes.

“A force, you say?” he asked thoughtfully, as a lion coughed and a pair of hyenas

laughed maniacally in the distance.

“That's right, Mr. President,” said Boyes, getting to his feet. “I can promise you at

least fifty men like ourselves. They may not be much to look at, but they'll be men

who aren't afraid to work or to fight, and each and every one of them will be loyal to

you, sir.”

“Father, it's getting late,” called Kermit from outside the tent.

“You go along,” said Roosevelt distractedly. “I'll join you in a few minutes.” He

turned back to Boyes. “Fifty men?”

“That's right, Mr. President.”

“Fifty men to tame the whole of Central Africa?” mused Roosevelt.

Boyes nodded. “That's right. There's seven of us right here; we could have the rest

assembled inside of two weeks.”

“It's very tempting,” admitted Roosevelt, trying to surpress a guilty smile. “It would

be a chance to be both a boy and a President again.”

“The Congo would make one hell of a private hunting preserve, sir,” said Boyes.

The American was silent for a moment, and finally shook his massive head. “It

couldn't be done,” he said at last. “Not with fifty men.”

“No,” said Boyes. “I suppose not.”

“There are no roads, no telephones, no telegraph lines.” Roosevelt paused, staring at

the flickering lanterns that illuminated the interior of the tent. “And the railway ends

in Uganda.”

“No access to the sea, either,” agreed Boyes pleasantly, as the lion coughed again

and a herd of hippos started bellowing in the nearby river.

“No,” said Roosevelt with finality. “It simply couldn't be done—not with fifty men,

not with five thousand.”

Boyes grinned. “Not a chance in the world.”

“A man would have to be mad to consider it,” said Roosevelt.

“I suppose so, Mr. President,” said Boyes.

Roosevelt nodded his head for emphasis. “Totally, absolutely mad.”

“No question about it,” said Boyes, still grinning at the burly American. “When do

we start?”

“Tomorrow morning,” said Roosevelt, his teeth flashing as he finally returned

Boyes's grin. “By God, it'll be bully!”

II.

“Father?”

Roosevelt, sitting on a chair in front of his tent, continued staring through his

binoculars.

“Kermit, you're standing in front of a lilac-breasted roller and a pair of crowned

cranes.”

Kermit didn't move, and finally Roosevelt put his binoculars down on a nearby table.

He pulled a notebook out of his pocket and began scribbling furiously.

“Remarkable bird viewing here,” he said as he added the roller and the cranes to his

list. “That's 34 species I've seen today, and we haven't even had breakfast yet.” He

looked up at his son. “I love these chilly Ugandan nights and mornings. They remind

me of the Yellowstone. I trust you slept well?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Wonderful climate,” said Roosevelt. “Just wonderful!”

“Father, I'd like to speak to you for a few moments, if I may.”

Roosevelt carefully tucked the notebook back into his breast pocket. “Certainly,” he

replied. “What would you like to talk about?”

Kermit looked around, found another canvas chair, carried it over next to his father,

and sat down on it.

“This entire enterprise seems ill-conceived, Father.”

Roosevelt seemed amused. “That's your considered opinion, is it?”

“One man can't civilize a country half the size of the United States,” continued

Kermit. “Not even you.”

“Kermit, when I was twelve years old, the best doctors in the world told me I'd

always be underweight and sickly,” said Roosevelt. “But when I was nineteen, I was

the lightweight boxing champion of Harvard.”

“I know, Father.”

“Don't interrupt. People told me I couldn't write a proper sentence, but I've written

twenty books, and four of them have been best-sellers. They told me that politics was

no place for a young man, but when I was 24 I was Speaker of the House of the New

York State Legislature. They told me that law and order had no place in the West, but

I went out and single-handedly captured three armed killers in the Dakota Bad Lands

during the Winter of the Blue Snow.” Roosevelt paused. “Even my Rough Riders said

we couldn't take San Juan Hill; I took it.” He stared at his son. “So don't tell me what

I can't do, Kermit.”

“But this isn't like anything else you've done,” persisted Kermit.

“What better reason is there to do it?” said Roosevelt with a delighted grin.

Mike Resnick - Bully!.pdf

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