Gosse R. - How to Find a LASTING Relationship.pdf

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relationship.PDF
HOW TO FIND A LASTING RELATIONSHIP
1
How to Find a LASTING
Relationship
by Richard Gosse
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Get any book for free on: www.Abika.com
HOW TO FIND A LASTING RELATIONSHIP
2
Extensively updated and revised from the original publication:
"Looking for Love in All the Right Places"
Gosse, Richard
How to find a lasting relationship. 3rd Edition.
Now includes: Complete National Singles Resource Directory
Bibliography: p.
1. Dating (Social customs)
2. Single People--United States-Psychology.
3. Mate selection--United States.
4. Interpersonal relations.
I. Title.
Dedicated to Matt McKay
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HOW TO FIND A LASTING RELATIONSHIP
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Table of Contents
The Desperately Lonely
Why Can't I Find the Right Person?
Playing the Numbers Game
Life on the Meat Rack: How to Survive in a Singles Bar
Singles Groups
Dating Services
Making Time for Meeting People
Initiating Contact
Overcoming the Fear of Rejection
The Art of Conversation
Becoming a Good Listener
Establishing Intimacy
Lies We Tell Ourselves
Games Singles Play
Resentments
Dealing with Bad Habits
Prejudices and Stereotypes
Looking Good
Sex and the Single Person
When Love Dies
How to be Happily Single
Romance
Open Letters
National Singles Resource Directory
National Singles Organizations
Nationwide Travel Services for Singles
National Singles Publications
Regional Singles Publications
Books for Singles
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HOW TO FIND A LASTING RELATIONSHIP
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THE DESPERATELY LONELY
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Imagine you are desperately hungry. When you're starving, you
don't insist on a gourmet meal. You'll settle for scraps. So, too,
with the desperately lonely. They get involved with the first
available person. They're always in a relationship, no matter how
painful, because for them the greatest misery is being alone. The
desperately lonely have no need for this book. They have no problem
meeting someone for a romantic relationship, since just about anyone
will do.
The people who need this book are those who are selective, those
who prefer being alone to being involved with the wrong person. While
there may be 60 million singles to choose from in America, it's
difficult to find that special person who is right for you.
Meeting someone special requires hard work. Don't listen to people
who tell you the opposite. They believe in myths. For example:
1. The Enchanted Evening Myth. The song from the musical South
Pacific says it all. One night your life partner will be
across a crowded room and it will be love at first sight.
This actually does happen--for about 1% of the population.
99% of us are not so lucky.
2. The Zen Myth. This says that when you look for somebody you
will never find them. Only when you give up your search will
the right person walk into your life. This is similar to
telling someone that the easiest way to get a job is to take
a vacation. That's baloney.
It amazing to see the contrast between how much effort people are
willing to exert for their careers and how little for a fulfilling
relationship. It says a great deal about their hierarchy of values.
They will do almost anything to get ahead: spend many years and
thousands of dollars for the right college degree; buy the right
clothes; spend unlimited hours on the phone and going to job
interviews; shamelessly flatter bosses they can't stand; accept
transfers to places they hate. When it comes to love, however, they
shrug and say, "When the time is right, it'll happen."
Satisfying romantic relationships usually don't just happen. They
take work and most of all patience. Unfortunately, choosy people
sometimes don't know how to find the right person. They wind up moving
into the desperate category because they had to wait too long.
The purpose of this book is to enable you to stay selective long
enough to meet the right person. With this book, you will:
* Learn where to go to meet attractive people of the
opposite sex.
* Receive step-by-step instruction on how to overcome your
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HOW TO FIND A LASTING RELATIONSHIP
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fear of rejection.
* Learn the art of conversation and how to be a good
listener.
* Learn how to abandon your prejudices and stereotypes.
* Find out if your expectations are realistic.
* Learn how to increase your attractiveness.
* Discover your resentments toward the opposite sex and
how to get rid of them.
* Learn how to cope with flaws in others.
* Be given the tools for surviving loneliness.
* Learn how to transcend the games that singles play and
develop honest, intimate relationships.
* Find out how to keep love alive.
I want to level with you. There's nothing magic in this book just
skills that take hard work to learn. It's tough to meet the right
person. But it can be done. Millions of people in this country are
happily in love right now. You can join them.
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WHY CAN'T I FIND THE RIGHT PERSON?
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There are millions of discouraged singles in this country. Male or
female, the refrain is the same: "Where are all the single women?"
"Where are all the single men?" Both sexes seem equally convinced that
there is a terrible shortage of the opposite sex.
Obviously they can't both be right. The fact of the matter is that
there are over 64 million single adults (over 18) in the United
States. While you are reading this, there are literally millions of
men and women hoping to meet someone for a loving relationship. Why,
then, is it so difficult to meet the right person?
A sociological explanation currently in vogue is that we live in
an impersonal, urbanized society that causes us to feel isolated from
each other. In "the good old days" it was easy to meet people. Most of
the population lived in small towns where everyone went to the same
schools, playgrounds, churches, barn dances, etc. Even in the big
cities it was easy to meet people because everyone felt part of the
neighborhood. People knew and greeted each other on the street. They
tended to fall in love, marry, and raise children in the same area.
Today it's rare to find a sense of neighborhood in the big cities.
A study of Chicago's South Shore neighborhood revealed that residents
visit friends outside the neighborhood more often than within the area
and that almost half never visit with the neighborhood at all! The
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