{2606}{2660}Greetings, travel fiends. {2662}{2745}It's so exciting being here in London. {2747}{2813}I'm already feeling right at tomb. {2814}{2890}Care to join me for a little fright-seeing? {2892}{3017}Or maybe we could find a nice pub and|tuck into some authentic flesh and chips. {3055}{3141}Or we could go check out|my English scare-itage. {3143}{3214}I bet you didn't know your pal,|the Crypt Keeper, {3216}{3305}was one of the crowned ghouls,|did you, creeps? {3329}{3408}I've got all kinds of skeletons in my closet, {3410}{3478}which is kind of like the family|in tonight's tale. {3494}{3570}You could call it, "Father Knows Beast," {3572}{3656}but I prefer, "Fatal Caper. " {4975}{5036}My God, what have I done? {5243}{5310}Retiring? You?|I didn't say today. {5312}{5371}And I don't mean tomorrow,|but, soon, Mycroft. {5373}{5412}You're a young man still. {5414}{5516}Young men don't retire,|unless of course they're my sons. {5569}{5632}Talk to Miss Havisham.|Just listen to what she's got to say. {5634}{5743}I do not want some old trout|rooting through my affairs. {5745}{5803}It's a small change.|You're never too old to change. {5805}{5857}I am. I'm dying. {5883}{5926}I'm for the worms, old boy. {5946}{6024}All these years,|I've given you a bloody good living. {6026}{6126}And now that I really need you, you want|to hand me over to some ghastly dragon {6128}{6177}who knows nothing about me. {6179}{6265}My last will and testament|has to be handled properly! {6267}{6343}And because I appreciate that,|I brought in Miss Havisham. {6345}{6424}In matters like this, she's a specialist.|She's the best. {6526}{6590}Well, I suppose, Redmond, {6618}{6687}if you feel that strongly about her... {6700}{6750}Why don't we start at the beginning,|Lord Amberson? {6752}{6814}You want to change your will. Why? {6860}{6954}As I'm sure Redmond's already told you,|Miss Havisham, {6976}{7041}my life's in a bit of a muddle just now. {7043}{7115}I'm not well. No, weak hearts {7146}{7184}run in the family. {7192}{7304}With the time I've got left,|I want to get things in order. {7387}{7420}Please, do go on. {7426}{7489}Well, I've got three sons, you know. {7516}{7569}About 15 years ago, {7626}{7659}one of them left. {7679}{7705}Come on. {7722}{7791}I don't want your sort in my house! {7803}{7836}Come on. Get out. {7874}{7911}Get out! {7952}{7993}Frank, he was called. {8010}{8063}Haven't heard from him since. {8098}{8202}I've begun to see now|that he was the smart one. {8234}{8280}HAVISHAM: Tell me about your other sons. {8685}{8737}- Can you feel anything?|- Yes. {8748}{8772}Can you? {8850}{8931}God, this tantric sex stuff is brilliant. {9017}{9098}I suppose I was the same way in my time. {9135}{9191}Tell me about your other son. {9278}{9306}Evelyn. {9498}{9611}I know these envelopes were|the staff's Christmas bonuses, Father. {9637}{9685}I'm not stupid, you know. {9707}{9810}When you hear why I took them,|I think you'll be quite pleased with me. {9890}{9938}�50 each? {9981}{10058}Really, Father,|I think you've taught me better than that. {10060}{10205}You should give them �10|and tell them to keep up the good work. {10254}{10345}Then give me the �40. {10442}{10481}Yes, I see the problem. {10494}{10558}I've raised a couple of monsters. {10583}{10637}The thought of leaving them my house, {10662}{10741}my money, my title... {10771}{10841}And was Frank so very different? {10885}{10957}- That's why I disowned him.|- And now you regret it? {11022}{11081}Right. This is going to be tricky. {11144}{11205}The first thing you have to do is tell them. {11224}{11303}What, Evelyn, Justin? {11323}{11379}- You must.|- They'd kill me. {11420}{11511}Wouldn't take much. I'm not a well man. {11553}{11632}You must, Lord Amberson.|Really, you must. {11639}{11721}I'm sure you've given this a great|deal of consideration, Father, {11722}{11777}being the clever man you are, but... {11779}{11828}What exactly does the new will say? {11830}{11907}It says quite simply that the two of|you must locate your younger brother {11909}{12019}within six months of your father's demise|if you are to receive your inheritance. {12036}{12060}What? {12085}{12153}Nobody's heard from Frank in 15 years. {12170}{12203}What if we can't find him? {12205}{12274}Then it all goes to charity,|the house, the money, everything. {12275}{12300}Charity! {12302}{12381}And the title? {12383}{12412}Oh, well, the title is yours. {12414}{12481}You're the eldest,|you can't exactly give it away. {12520}{12559}Well, that's not so bad. {12580}{12656}Righty-ho, then.|Everyone gets what they deserve. {12658}{12760}You get titled, you get dead. {12762}{12848}- And I get nothing.|- Maybe that's what you deserve. {12850}{12874}Shut up! {12914}{12973}And as for you, you meddling bitch... {12975}{13009}That's enough! {13018}{13076}Get off me, you crazy old man! {13093}{13201}If you think I'm going to stand for this|after a lifetime of filial devotion... {13202}{13247}So that's what you call devotion, is it? {13249}{13288}Keeping his arsehole warm|with your face? {13290}{13331}I told you to shut up! {13382}{13500}The whole idea is grossly unfair.|I refuse to accept it. {13502}{13547}It doesn't matter|whether you accept it or not. {13549}{13601}There's nothing you can do about it. {13626}{13721}That's what you think, girlie.|There's plenty I can do. {13739}{13793}I'll have the old bastard committed. {13794}{13881}Actually, I think Father's right,|changing his will. {13883}{13943}Fine. I'll have you both committed. {13945}{14036}Maybe they'll even let me throw|the switch for your shock therapy. {14058}{14153}What's the matter with you?|Miss your morning feeding, did you? {14175}{14243}Stop it! For God's sake. {14245}{14374}Please, I wanted to bring you all together,|not give you cause to fight. {14443}{14470}My heart... {14650}{14710}For God's sake, call an ambulance! {14858}{15001}Old man, either you change your will back|to the way it was, or I swear to God, I'll... {15003}{15030}Father? {15117}{15169}He's faking it. {15278}{15367}HAVISHAM: I feel awful about this.|It's all my fault. I forced him to tell them. {15369}{15399}He knew it was a mistake. {15401}{15476}The important thing is|the will was redrawn on time. {15478}{15548}Just make sure|Mycroft's wishes are carried out. {15550}{15620}- Where's Justin?|- He doesn't like funerals. {15638}{15710}He's inside. Meditating. {16524}{16566}Oh, that's incredible. {16857}{16933}I'm going back to the office. Call me. {17338}{17391}My God, you're disgusting. {17421}{17461}It's not what you think. {17470}{17501}Morning, sir. {17563}{17662}All right, then, maybe it is,|but I didn't do it for me, I did it for Father. {17683}{17756}You know why he's happy|just to have the title, don't you? {17758}{17833}- He thinks it's another way to get women.|- Bollocks! {17834}{17910}I don't need a title to get women.|I'll show you. {17947}{18022}Are you coming up, darling?|Bed's still warm. {18119}{18172}What about if I did have a title?|Would that help? {18174}{18243}Sorry, I find you even more disgusting|than he does. {18298}{18331}Please yourself. {18335}{18394}Makes your skin crawl, doesn't it? {18431}{18521}Your brother Frank, what was he like? {18552}{18578}Well, he was {18602}{18650}sensitive, I suppose. {18672}{18711}I remember when he was little, {18713}{18785}he would look up at me|with these wide, admiring eyes. {18801}{18849}Drove me out of my fucking mind. {18866}{18919}God, I hated the little bastard. {18921}{18970}And you really haven't seen him|for 15 years? {18972}{19030}Not a peep. We're well rid of each other. {19031}{19110}Good, I hope so, because|I'd hate to cheat him out of anything. {19112}{19138}Cheat him? {19250}{19313}What I'm about to say is wrong. {19338}{19425}Even thinking about it|violates the trust your father placed in me. {19426}{19509}You see, there's a codicil in his will. {19526}{19552}And it stipulates {19554}{19653}that if only one of his descendants|remains before the deadline runs out, {19676}{19753}then that person gets everything,|house, money. {19794}{19854}I'd be willing to make that happen for you. {19929}{19968}For a price, of course. {20026}{20065}Miss Havisham, {20106}{20185}are you suggesting|that we kill my brother? {20296}{20389}- How much exactly did you want?|- First thing's first. {20666}{20789}"Return to sender. " "Not known at|this address. " "Return to sender. " {20791}{20887}We've sent letters to every address|we could think of. The boy's vanished. {20932}{21041}Would it be possible, before time runs out,|to have Frank declared legally dead? {21042}{21103}But we've only just begun|to search for him. {21127}{21167}If you want your money, {21187}{21253}and for all we know|that's your sole reason for living, {21255}{21291}you'd better find him. {21345}{21368}Fiona. {21395}{21486}What did it say in Father's will,|the part about finding Frank? {21489}{21597}It said, "Only after using|all means at your disposal... " {21599}{21641}All means at our disposal. {21665}{21706}We haven't done that yet, have we? {21728}{21798}We could hire a detective. {21799}{21850}Detectives cost money. {21870}{21917}Does it say anything|about cost in the will? {21918}{21990}- Well, actually...|- Right. Of course. {22006}{22057}For a moment there,|I forgot who I was dealing with. {22058}{22145}I have an idea that will tell us|if Frank is alive or dead. {22146}{22218}And it won't cost us a bleeding thing.|A s�ance. {22266}{22309}I want to communicate|with Father's spirit. {22311}{22393}Now, if Frank is dead,|I'm sure Father will know all about it. {22397}{22460}If Frank's alive, well, then,|we'll have to continue the search. {22462}{22499}God, I hate you. {22594}{22694}Now, Fiona, I'm sure that a consummate|professional such as yourself {22696}{22808}could not rest ...
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