Pre-intermediate Unit 6 DVD Script
B = Ronnie Barker C = Ronnie Corbett
B: I say, that was, that was really jolly good that was. I must say I really enjoyed that. Thanks very much.
C: That’s fine. Fine.
B: I say, it’s a super game, isn’t it? I can’t understand why I’ve never tried it before. Absolutely lovely. I loved it. But thanks to you, old boy, of course, from now on, I shall be a dedicated squish player.
C: Squash.
B: Pardon?
C: The game is called squash.
B: Oh squash, yes, that’s right. I’m sorry. Um … who actually won? I mean, I couldn’t quite grasp the scoring-mechanism. I mean, did I, did I win?
C: Yes, you … yes, you won, you won.
B: Oh, that’s good. How many goals did I get?
C: Goals?!
B: Well, you know, er … thingies, er … whatever … runs ….
C: Points!
B: … runs … ah, points!
B: Points, yes.
C: Points.
B: How many points did I get?
C: Well, the score was, if you want to know, game-love, game-love, game- love, game-love. You see?
B: Yes.
C: You won … four games to love!
B: Oh, I see. So, I got four and you got love.
C: Yes.
B: I see. How many is love?
C: Love is nothing.
B: Oh no, no. That’s not right, I’m sure, because I’m sure you got a goal, earlier on, right at the beginning.
C: A point!
B: A point, I mean.
C: A point, yes, well of course I did. That was when you …
B: Oh, I know, I was holding the thing by the wrong end. I must remember, hold the bat by the thin end.
C: The racket!
B: Racket, I mean.
C: This is … this is a ball.
C: Let’s start from basic principles.
C: The whole thing is called squash.
B: Squash.
C: This is a ball.
C: This is a ... racket when you do that. That’s what that is, that is a racket.
B: I see. Will it work now you’ve done that?
C: Ah … I don’t much care, to be honest. I mean … I’m not going to be playing squash anymore ever!
B: Oh, I say. That’s a pity, because I was hoping we could have another game next week. I mean, I thought, well you know, I thought I might get a bit better.
C: A bit better? A bit better?! Look matey, I’m the secretary of this squash club. You know. I mean, I captain the A-team. You know. I’m one of the best players round here, as a matter of fact. You know, I won the area finals last year, and all that sort of thing, you know. You know, I’m good. You know, good. And you come along here, if I may say so, you’ve never played the game before, you’re vastly overweight, if I may say so, you’re very slow on the court, you’ve gone out on that court, and you’ve thrashed me, you’ve pounded me into the ground, you pulverised me, in front of my friends, four games to love! Well, how do you do it?
B: Beginner’s luck?
C: It’s a fluke. That’s what it is, a fluke, mate. It won’t happen again. I’ll tell you what … It won’t happen the next time.
B: No, well there won’t be a next time, will there? Because you’ve broken your rocket.
C: My racket! I’ll get a new one, I don’t care, I’ll get a new one. Look mate. I’ll get a new one, and tomorrow morning, here, 10 o’clock, things will be different!
B: Oh no, no. Sorry, old boy. No, not tomorrow. No can do.
C: What do you mean, ‘No can do’?
B: I’ve got to go up to a place called Lords tomorrow. I’ve got to play a game called cracket or something.
PHOTOCOPIABLE © 2011 Pearson Longman
quimica.e