{575}{630}Congratulations on your purchase {632}{692}of the Spartan Police|digital training course, {694}{744}guaranteed to turn you into a lean, mean {746}{829}- crime-fighting machine!|- Here we go. {1134}{1164}Ah! Damn! {1210}{1255}Son of a... {1417}{1465}Take that! Like that! {1467}{1513}Take it! {2075}{2133}The Gyro Spartan 3000, sold separately, {2135}{2195}is the ultimate tool for developing agility, {2197}{2231}catlike reflexes, {2233}{2272}and total body control. {2274}{2328}For just 99 payments of $99, {2330}{2367}the Gyro Spartan will be {2369}{2416}the best investment|you'll ever make! {2874}{2916}One more. {3163}{3202}You are well on your way {3204}{3296}to becoming the super-cop|of your most cherished dream. {3415}{3443}Larry here. {3445}{3491}Bo here. I'm at Elmer's. {3493}{3559}Better get down here.|We got us a situation. {3561}{3611}All right, Sheriff, I'm on my way. {3669}{3692}What's up, Boodles? {3988}{4043}Let's go do some good. {4447}{4492}What's going on? {4494}{4564}Uh, Elmer's in the barn. {4566}{4604}He's armed, and he's got a hostage, {4606}{4653}somebody named Buttercup. {4655}{4755}We figure it's either his girlfriend|or his horse. {4757}{4817}With Elmer, it's the same thing. {4848}{4883}Hold that. {4885}{4920}Oh, you. {4950}{5034}Elmer! It's Larry! {5036}{5061}Don't shoot. {5063}{5092}I'm coming in! {5204}{5250}Where you at, bud? {5291}{5345}Right here. {5385}{5411}Tell me your troubles. {5413}{5461}It's over, Larry. {5463}{5529}That damn mare's thrown me|for the last time. {5531}{5596}I'm gonna put her down. {5687}{5715}Stay here. {5717}{5763}Put down that damn gun. {5787}{5840}Hey, sugar. {5842}{5906}Hey. Need a buttercup|for Buttercup. Huh? {5908}{5953}Buttercup for Buttercup? {5955}{5992}These is delicious. {5994}{6031}There you go. {6033}{6068}See what we got here. {6170}{6202}What the... {6204}{6244}Oh, for Pete's sake. {6246}{6284}You big retard! {6286}{6327}Hey, Elmer! {6329}{6376}Next time, clean the burrs|off the saddle {6378}{6413}before you put it on her. {6415}{6447}Sorry, Larry. {6449}{6488}Don't tell me, tell her. {6490}{6543}Well, I ain't going to apologize|to no dumb animal. {6545}{6590}You know, that's probably|why you're getting thrown. {6592}{6634}You don't know how to treat a lady. {6636}{6661}Here. {6725}{6784}Go on, give it to her. {6786}{6824}Good girl. {6826}{6884}I'm sorry. {6886}{6920}That's a girl. {7143}{7192}Ah, jeez. {7325}{7382}Smoot just saved the free world, Larry. {7384}{7414}Where the hell were you? {7416}{7449}Staking out the Krispy Kreme. {7451}{7527}Putting up his profile|on IntimateCousins. com. {7529}{7575}Laugh it up, you sorry|sons of bitches. {7577}{7631}I closed that deal. {7633}{7663}I made you a malt, Larry. {7665}{7710}Drown your sorrows. {7712}{7808}What sorrows? I saved Buttercup|and kept Elmer out of jail. {7810}{7862}Then it's a celebration! {7864}{7931}Ah. Boy, Connie,|you know what your malts do to me? {7933}{7970}Countin' on it, darlin' {7972}{8000}I get off in an hour. {8002}{8029}Ain't gonna take that long. {8031}{8071}I got Crisco at my house. {8119}{8187}Hey, I thought that lure|is supposed to catch the big fish. {8189}{8219}You playing a minnow,|there, Connie. {8221}{8304}Gus, if Larry's a minnow,|you must be a shrimp. {8344}{8404}Boy, big-titted and quick-witted. {8406}{8438}That's how I like 'em. {8440}{8468}She's the onliest reason {8470}{8499}I stay around this two-mule town. {8501}{8543}I thought it was for the free rent. {8545}{8567}Or the fishing. {8569}{8689}The unbreakable bond of friendship|that dates back to our formative years. {8769}{8803}Yeah, I do dream of bigger things. {8805}{8846}Although, Connie's ain't small. {8848}{8884}I mean, big enough|for most fellers, but... {8886}{8919}Nope, what this town lacks {8921}{9003}is law enforcement opportunities|that equal my cap-a-cicity. {9005}{9091}You ain't gonna find a town|with less crime than this one. {9093}{9140}Smoot wants to shuffle off|to the raisin ranch. {9142}{9189}How does Sheriff Larry sound? {9215}{9240}Hey, better yet, {9242}{9313}how does Special Agent Larry sound? {9315}{9356}Federal Bureau of... {9358}{9409}Guys who show their butt cracks! {9411}{9465}FBI, Gus. {9467}{9532}That's right,|I'm ready for the big-time. {9534}{9586}'Cause I know a criminal|when I see one, {9588}{9638}a rat when I smell one, {9640}{9688}and a bad moon when it rises. {10038}{10088}Bring her in. {10600}{10706}Tell me she ain't hotter|than an electric prod on a hog's ass. {10770}{10815}Did you see them fellers? {10817}{10856}Them bulges? {10858}{10920}They either got elephant mumps|or they're packin' heat. {10922}{10992}Oh, you've been watching|way too many cop shows. {10994}{11055}They try to go in there with me,|I'm going to scream. {11057}{11103}Did she just say something|about screaming? {11105}{11140}You think she's in trouble, huh? {11142}{11172}Yeah, I do. {11174}{11205}Oh, happy prunes! {11207}{11268}Especially since Dotter and Marge|just dropped a deuce in there! {11326}{11383}Four coffees to go, honey. {11385}{11437}Black, honey? {11676}{11731}There's a black|Suburban out there. {11733}{11782}You know who drives|black Suburbans? {11784}{11819}Drug dealers, {11821}{11851}smugglers, {11853}{11910}I'm telling you. {12045}{12085}Keep your hands off me. {12087}{12112}See, look. {12114}{12170}Calm down. Don't make a scene. {12261}{12299}What'd I tell you? {12301}{12343}Did you see that rude jerk? {12345}{12367}Yes, I did. {12369}{12404}Not only is he a rude jerk, {12406}{12445}I think he's a kidnapper. {12447}{12486}Have you lost your marbles? {12488}{12548}Come on, men in black,|high-class babe. {12550}{12604}Babe? You think she's a babe? {12606}{12647}She looked like|a different B-word to me. {12649}{12707}"Furtervious, " sneaky attitude, {12709}{12747}security procedurals... {12788}{12848}If this ain't a kidnapping,|I ain't a lawman. {12850}{12885}Now that you mention it... {12955}{12987}What are you gonna do? {12989}{13041}I'm gonna rescue me|a damsel in deestress. {13043}{13137}If you're gonna rescue a damsel,|I get off in 48 minutes. {13139}{13232}Connie, this could|be my chance at the big time here. {13234}{13317}You're blowing your chance|for a big time with me. {13319}{13371}Sweetheart, you're|gonna be proud of me. {13373}{13446}I don't want to be proud.|I want to get some. {13493}{13568}Some help cleaning my garage. {13570}{13639}Well, I guess big time can wait|a minute and 37 seconds. {13641}{13671}Forget it. {13673}{13719}You'd rather chase that other woman. {13721}{13799}I wouldn't touch you now|if you put on your Billy Ray Cyrus wig. {13873}{13898}She's kidding. {13900}{13950}I ain't got no such like wig. {14013}{14051}Con, come on, I really|need to do this. {14053}{14089}Well, what if you're wrong? {14091}{14167}Like the time I shot|that masked gunman {14169}{14195}at Coleman's jewelry store {14197}{14234}and it turned out|to be Old Man Coleman? {14236}{14311}Yes, on Halloween. {14313}{14420}Or that time I thought I cracked|that major illegal immigrant ring, {14422}{14478}and it turned out to be the Sanchez|family reunion? {14480}{14557}Yeah, Mayor Sanchez|was pretty upset about that. {14559}{14643}All right, so I made|some minor mistakes, {14645}{14735}but you can't make an omelet|without cracking a few walnuts. {14737}{14796}Con, this is gonna be different. {14798}{14904}Next time you see me,|that badge is gonna say FBI. {14906}{14944}You'll see. {15116}{15169}I don't love your job, Larry. {15171}{15209}I love you. {15295}{15363}Then trust me,|I'm doing the right thing, {15365}{15422}Larry, please. {15424}{15555}Darlin', a man's gotta do|what a man's gotta do. {15557}{15620}I know. I just don't|want my man to get hurt. {15653}{15715}Then your love will be|my bulletproof vest. {15717}{15760}Oh, Larry. {15993}{16018}Women. {16020}{16087}Who can possibly unravulate|their mysteries? {16114}{16162}Then again, who gives a shit? {16164}{16222}I'm just kidding.|I didn't mean that, Con. {17036}{17094}Norm's Last Chance. This is Norm. {17147}{17236}Oh, toothless son of a godless whore! {17238}{17279}I got teeth. {17281}{17362}And for the last time,|Mama was a dancer. {17364}{17406}You got my money, cuz? A bet's a bet. {17408}{17437}You gotta be kidding me. {17439}{17507}That girl had more scars on her chest|than Frankenstein. {17509}{17548}That's because she|was mauled by a bear. {17550}{17596}But her boobs were real. {17598}{17637}All right, I'll pay you. Shit. {17639}{17677}But listen, at presently, {17679}{17747}I'm involved in a high-level|law enforcement pursuit {17749}{17818}and have reason to believe|that the subject in question {17820}{17887}may attempt to regress|at your peril, man. {17889}{17925}Speak American, Larry. {17927}{17979}Got bad dudes|headed your way, Norm. {17981}{18120}No, I am quite sure|that no men-in-black kidnappers {18122}{18197}driving Suburbans|with beautiful hostages {18199}{18240}has been by here today. {18380}{18436}Well, burn the tick off my butt. {18438}{18481}Hold 'em there, keep 'em there.|I'm on the way. {18483}{18505}With my money? {18533}{18588}We must be going through|a bad cell area, Norm. {18590}{18620}I'll see you in a minute. {19403}{19446}The oil's fine. {19448}{19516}Hell, I'm sure it is,|but I have to check it. {19518}{19543}It's part of the full service. {19545}{19575}Consider it checked. {19577}{19644}Well, I can't do that.|It's company policy. {19646}{19683}All right, all right. just make it snappy. {19999}{20032}The oil is fine, isn't it? {20034}{20093}Yes, sir. Yes, it is. {20139}{20166}What's that? {20234}{20299}Oh, it's gas. It's gas. {20301}{20327}You got a fuel leak. {20360}{20393}Here, it's split. {20395}{20463}See, GM gets these|chintzy hoses from Red China, {20465}{20491}...
Worang